Feel like this website is my diary. It’s okay if no one comments :’( I can’t find a therapist at the moment so writing this down is my therapy in a way . Anybody want to share their thoughts . Down below
Does anybody else carry resentment? I carry alot of it against my family. My mother especially. I began having anxiety at 14 but there wasn’t really a trigger to it. Until now I’m 21 and I don’t like leaving my house because I’m terrified of having a panic attack they are honestly the worst feelings ever. Any time I had struggled my family around me would get very frustrated with me like I was just doing this for attention or to be annoying but really? A person is going to keep this behavior going for 6 long years because they want to annoy people? I’ve had multiple times where my mother blamed me for ruining family trips because of my anxiety and said I did it and still do it for attention. Basically has told everyone about my anxiety considering I’m embarrassed by it and try to keep it secret so I don’t get asked questions. One time my aunt was going to take my sister and I to the cheese cake factory. I was so excited and I called her a few hours before and during the phone call she said yeah we are going but don’t bother acting like we have to leave the place (my anxiety). After that day I was honestly crushed and it’s hard for me to go anywhere with someone because I don’t want to ruin their time or have to cut it short. That’s one of the things my mom gets angry at me for. I avoid any place with her because we always end up fighting and for that very reason. She is very dramatic so I’m always on edge afraid she will explode for anything I do. Before she would be understanding and we would leave but now it’s like a huge burden for her. She always wondered why I’m so irritable 🙄I want to better myself but I have the weight of resentment and people constantly judging me for something they don’t understand or ever experienced. I separate myself from many people just so they don’t have to deal with me because I know I’m a sad situation.