Feel like this website is my diary. It’s okay if no one comments :’( I can’t find a therapist at the moment so writing this down is my therapy in a way . Anybody want to share their thoughts . Down below :)

Does anybody else carry resentment? I carry alot of it against my family. My mother especially. I began having anxiety at 14 but there wasn’t really a trigger to it. Until now I’m 21 and I don’t like leaving my house because I’m terrified of having a panic attack they are honestly the worst feelings ever. Any time I had struggled my family around me would get very frustrated with me like I was just doing this for attention or to be annoying but really? A person is going to keep this behavior going for 6 long years because they want to annoy people? I’ve had multiple times where my mother blamed me for ruining family trips because of my anxiety and said I did it and still do it for attention. Basically has told everyone about my anxiety considering I’m embarrassed by it and try to keep it secret so I don’t get asked questions. One time my aunt was going to take my sister and I to the cheese cake factory. I was so excited and I called her a few hours before and during the phone call she said yeah we are going but don’t bother acting like we have to leave the place (my anxiety). After that day I was honestly crushed and it’s hard for me to go anywhere with someone because I don’t want to ruin their time or have to cut it short. That’s one of the things my mom gets angry at me for. I avoid any place with her because we always end up fighting and for that very reason. She is very dramatic so I’m always on edge afraid she will explode for anything I do. Before she would be understanding and we would leave but now it’s like a huge burden for her. She always wondered why I’m so irritable 🙄I want to better myself but I have the weight of resentment and people constantly judging me for something they don’t understand or ever experienced. I separate myself from many people just so they don’t have to deal with me because I know I’m a sad situation.

27 Replies

  • I don’t like leaving my house either because of anxiety. Psychiatrist prescribed me Buspar to see if it helps but it takes 4-6 weeks to fully feel the effects. Have u tried to talk to a doctor about the anxiety and panic attacks? I don’t have panic attacks but I have anxiety all day every day.

  • I’ve been through 8 psychiatrists since they either retire, refer me to new offices, or they dissappear. So I never stay with one doctor. I’m searching for a new one right now but haven’t had any luck with my insurance.

  • Are you in the United States? you can go to the mental health office of your county and ask for a case manager. hopefully they can help you

  • yes I do. Okay I will look into it right now!

  • Hello anxiety_chick

    Watch Echart Tolle's videos and do read his book "the power of now"

    Always remember you are not alone but the fear you have has got to your head and is fearing you more. But it can definitely be cured and very easily

    Just develop a lighter approach towards life

    Best wishes

  • I have resentment towards many people right now, but for different reasons. I think mine is because I've gotten myself stuck in a predicament where I'm doing errands for two households in my family. It's causing a lot of crap to build up inside of me, along with making my depression and anxiety worse.

    If it helps to write it out here, then keep at it! I'm certainly very sorry your family is not understanding about your anxiety. I do hope you're able to find a therapist soon, as I have no doubt it'll be helpful to have someone to talk to. Hugs my dear, you're not alone out here.

  • Hello, Sounds like you are in a tough spot. Can you say "no" to the people you are running errand for? Do not let them use you. Your first responsibility is YOU. You need to take care of your illness. Resentment as you know will not help your anxiety/depression, You must be good to you, put you and your health first. Do you have a therapist? Sounds like you need some where safe to vent. Be good to yourself your a good person and lovable. Try and find a support group they are great. I wish you well and send you love & peace. Sprinkle 1

  • I'm not in a position to say no unfortunately. I'm using my dad's car so there's no car for him and his mother he is living with. I'm living with my mother and naturally do such things for this household. So it's kinda put me stuck right now and I'm trying to find the strength to find a better job to get my own car to get out. I don't have a therapist. It's another thing I'm trying to muster up the strength to reach out to one.

  • I'm sorry I know what it's like to have your family think your doing something on purpose when your not...When I was a little kid I threw up everyday...I wasn't trying to..if I was born now they would diagnosis me with reflux..I threw up at the bus stop, in school, ...but it was in front of my father that was the worst

    He would hit me every time I threw up..he once poured my throw up overy head as a child We were having spaghetti and he just kept saying you like that....anyway for most of my life If I throw up I have a panic attack.and start to cry and feel incredible shame...It was horrible an no one understood... They make jokes about it in my family.. So I'm sorry they don't understand I understand but I think you should have techniques and meds xanax prn so you don't miss out on cheese cake factory and such...just avoid your mom for a while and maybe she will.chill out when she doesn't have the pleasure of your company. Now you're my therapist that I can't afford☺😊

  • :( that’s so sad. I’m sorry you were ever treated like that. So not fair. I hope you don’t mind me asking but how are you coping day to day? Yes I take medication but my anxiety stills peeps through sometimes. I took a break for one college semester because I was terrified and I’m rock solid I’d go to class almost fainting and hyperventilating. I was tired its only so much I can take. and to my mother its like I dropped out and went to do drugs. I’m enrolling again for spring.

  • Hello there.

    I know how you feel and everyone here knows how you feel and we also know that you are not trying to deceive anyone, we know what it is to have a mental illness. I am 47 years old and I have a 20 year old daughter, she is my only I refuge in my moments of anxiety and panic attacks

    I have this problem for more than 15 years and in the first years of my illness, nobody understood me, they all thought I was faking.When you feel that nobody supports you and you feel that all the people around you think you are pretending, please remember that we are also your family and we do know how you feel and we also know that you are not inventing anything of what you are feeling.

    One last thing, I do not know how important God is in your life. In any case, I think you should give him a chance, maybe he is knocking at the door of your heart but you have not heard him.


  • I feel anxiety is a disease like diabetes or other genetic disorders. It’s not necessary a mental disorder. It’s a body chemical response.

  • thank you for such kind words.

  • Live for today, hope for tomorrow

    And forget about yesterday

    'I CAN'T ' for those are the words of a coward

    And remember 'I WILL TRY' for those

    Are the words of a potential winner?

    The only way you can regret yesterday is

    When you've never learnt anything from it

    And remember that what ever you worry about

    It's in the past, there is nothing you can change or do about it,

    Just accept to choose to see

    Yesterday's problems as an opportunity to grow.

    Worry is wasting today's time

    Cluttering up tomorrow's opportunities

    With yesterday's trouble.

    How many times do we look back on?

    An event and think, if only I had...

    How many times do we do something that we wish hadn't done?

    You can't change a past event,

    Its yesterday, you can't change what has been done.

  • Hi I would like to put in a comment or two, I am older (75) and have been suffering thru bouts of depression/anxiety since I was young, even tried to kill myself at age 20, then again at 46. Such a waste of time. The thing is medical research is coming along with newer and better ways to treat us, there are millions of us in the US with these illnesses. So you need to get Help and soon. Talk to your Dr. he may suggest some meds and find a therapist you can talk to, also a support group they are wonderful, I am excited as I have just found one near my home and will be going on Monday. Remember your brain is lying too you, the neurotransmitters are messed up, thats why we need meds. I hate to take pill, but I am on 6 a day and glad to take them, the side effects have been minimal; usually there are side effects.

    Resentment is a waste of your time and energy, you cannot change anyone else, only yourself.So be good to yourself, no put downs, do at least 1 nice thing a day for yourselfl

    And Please get help, I would not live without out it. Remember you are lovable and ill just now but will get better. Goldie 11 has written a valuable list, i hope you copy it and use it as a reminder. I send love & peace. Sprinkle 1

  • Hi this is normal behaviour try not are lashing out I had this still do .you behaviour issues it is in vicious circle of you depression anxiety a d physiological issues if you have already .tell gp you want a referral to a phycologist asap will help you .and if any. Courses going on good luck

  • I'm right there with you. my anxiety has gotten in the way of evey day life. I feel so embarrassed every time it happens. I just don't want too bother anyone with my issues. we are all in this together. I hate when my family turns their head when I think I need them the most. i have tried very hats nor to bother them at all... so I understand. there is a breathing exercise on YouTube that is excrement helpful. I wad just surprised how well it worked. also read up on anxiety yoy will be surprised how easily your can control yourself. you know and I know its in our head but when you feel that way it doesn't matter what anyone says. I just want it to stop. knowledge us power and I'm here for you.

  • How old are you? It sounds like your mum has given you a harsh burden, anxiety is crushing, and the one thing I am trying to do is distance myself from negativity, and that includes a lot of folk! Talk as much as you can, write it down, take life one hour at a time, and tell yourself, what was good in that hour, even simple things like, that was a great cup,of coffe I made, sounds daft, but it works. My biggest ally is nature, you see so many little things that make your heart sing. Good luck 😉 resentment will only hurt you, doesn’t usually affect the people dishing the crap, tc

  • I’m 21. Yeah she contributes alot to my anxiety. She is one of those people you can never sit down and talk to because is stubborn and end up fighting for anything. Hopefully soon I can move out and move on with my life.

  • Sounds good to me, it will be hard work, but you can work on your stuff without being subjected to rubbish from the very person who is supposed to love you unconditionally, good luck, keep,in touch

  • Yes I totally relate going threw exact same thing my entire life and still from this day. Mother is manipulative she like to make my anxiety worst . with whatever bugs me. Have extreme social anxiety. Extremely emotionally depressing. Knowing my own mother purposely trying to destroy my life.

  • Pinnk, it sounds like a pretty toxic living situation there with your mom. Getting away from all that negativity will surely help. Are you in counseling as well?

  • I wish I could leave. My aunt’s house has no AC so I can’t be there for a few days. My grandma practically doesn’t live in her own house and the AC is never on lol I can’t go there either. And my other uncle just not close with him to ask if I can stay over a few nights. No, i’m looking for counseling. I just moved to a new home too so all the paperwork for the closing I did most of the work because my parents never read any contracts when buying this new house. It was a long stressful process since the house was being built.

  • I feel for you. It's a tough spot to be in, when you need your family and they actually make things worse. Years and years later I realized they were caught up in their own little worlds of disorders and dysfunction that they could not control, and they barely realized what they were doing. We were like a bunch of objects in space swirling around, doing our own thing, occasionally colliding.

    I order to get away, you're going to have to somehow support yourself. If your panic attacks are disabling, you might qualify for disability. I know no one wants to go that route, but it's there for a reason. Otherwise there are room mates or jobs.

    Meanwhile, if your house is big enough, I'd just keep to my own space and try to treat it like a small apartment. Keep your own space neat and clean. Be pleasant to everyone when you're around, help with your fair share of some family chores, walk away when arguments break out, don't talk back, and just focus on school and your health. If someone's being rude you can just say, "Okay, I understand that you feel that way. I hear that you feel blah blah blah (repeating what they said) and then go to your space. That wa you can keep your dignity and not get into a fight. Don't let anyone physically hurt you, ever. Survival mode!

  • Sorry for what you're going through, it brought tears to my eyes. I'm an emotional person anyway. However, when I was your age my anxiety was terrible, but I have come along way since then. I am now 46 years old, and four years ago I started having panic attacks when I went to any doctor and when it was time for them to check my blood pressure I went into panic mood. Why? The heck if I know. I know there is a name for it, just like there's a name for everything these days. I'm frustrated and angry as to why this happens, and I don't even have high blood pressure. I wish this mess would just pan out and leave me alone and let me be calm and sane. Sorry about that I'm new to this site today and I guess I needed to unload. I think I need a therapist or a hypnosis done or something.

  • my parents aren’t terrible people but life is very hard with anxiety it’s delayed my schedule in college and yet I took one semester off it’s like the whole world caved in on them lol. It sucks we don’t have a cure only treatment. Atleast we have each other in this community which I’m super happy about because it’s not the same talking to someone who doesn’t suffer from anxiety or any other mental disorder. Wish i discovered this website a while ago. Welcome to the site <3

  • Hello pinnk812

    Baby you are just 21 and at this age it is very common to be extremely emotional if one suffers from anxiety

    I know you might not be able to find a therapist right now but its ohk

    You are your own therapist

    Only you and no one else can solve your problems

    As far your anxiety is concerned, always remember you are not alone in this battle

    Please read the Book"The Power of now" by Echart Tolle

    It is a powerful book that will compltely transform your anxiety

    As far as your mothers and aunts behaviour is concerned you will learn after reading the book that they are normal humans and they are at no fault for their behaviour you will understand them and eventually forgive them

    Try deep breathing ,and most important the fear that you will have an anxiety attack if you go out is bothering you

    In your sufferings you are the chosen one by God, so that you understand life in a better way

    Keep smiling Baby

    Your well wisher

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