past mistake

[eso-123]

hello guys, new to the community. Just need help to move out of my past mistakes.

all my thoughts are locked up in my past, what I did, guilt feelings, the people my mistakes affected, anticipated response, and on and on. I don't know how to get myself out of it. I walked out of my marriage with three children. I leave alone with them. now I feel so guilty that their father is not part of their lives. the thought hurt me all day. I don't know what to do. please help. thanks.

[mysmugcat]

I understand guilt. You had your reasons for leaving. The past is that. The past. Not now or the future. Do the children still see their father or not may I ask?

[eso-123 in reply to mysmugcat]

thank you mysmugcat. They have not seen him for about two years. He refused to see them. He insist he wants to see them along with me. He comes and goes because he lives in Africa.

[shellgg]

Forgiveness. Forgive yourself. Have compassion for yourself. We all make mistakes. No one is immune. This is how we grow. I suggest trying medications (some are sleep medications) for letting go of guilt and the past. My therapist says they have been proven to help.

[eso-123 in reply to shellgg]

thank you Shellgg. I am just now considering that. My sister in law has offered to recommend a therapist. I appreciate.

[shellgg in reply to eso-123]

Oh I just realized it said medication! I was trying to type meditations. Lol.

[eso-123 in reply to shellgg]

LOL. Yes, meditation. I am doing that. thanks.

[Hidden]

Hi you must have had very good reasons for your actions in the past so please stop beating yourself up. In an ideal world relationships would be perfect and never break down but in the real world these things happen. It's much better for children to be with one partner than suffer the distress of both parents fighting and livingin a tension filled atmosphere.

You are doing the best for your children that you always have and best is best no matter what the results. No one can expect any more of you than that, especially yourself. Don't spoil your present and future with pointless thinking about the past. Have faith in yourself and your actions and look forward instead. xx

[eso-123 in reply to Hidden]

I appreciate you lilaclil. it's like you were there. there was too much tension. just too much tension. but I am taking all the simple baby steps now. especially that I am able to voice this out. its been a big burden on me. I know I will be fine because I have begun to move myself out gradually. thank you for your time and input.

[Hidden in reply to eso-123]

Oh I have made plenty of mistakes in the past believe me xx

[gogogirl in reply to Hidden]

Yeah me too .

[Sprinkle1]

Sorry for your distress, I learnt thru therapy to give up guilt, we all make mistakes if this was one? One thing I learnt thru my spiritual group is to live in the moment - it is wonderful. I would also recommend therapy to help you lift this weight off your shoulders. If you have any good friends talk with them - they will support you, or go to a support group. There is lots of help available we just have to find it. Take good care of yourself, that way you can take good care of your children, leave your husband to sort out His problems. Sending love & peace. Sprinkle 1

P.S. People deal with their feelings, so do not concern yourself with that. And consider divorce if you have not done so.

[eso-123 in reply to Sprinkle1]

Thank you sprinkle1. you are simply great. I have just now started the process of divorce cos I had somewhat been waiting thinking things may become better somehow. but he moved on long time. he got married. I would like to be part of a support group, but I do not know how to get one. I live in long island and yesterday I searched thru the internet, but I have not got one yet. I would appreciate if anyone could assist with this. that would be great. thank you once again spinkle1.

[Windy101]

Here's the number for the Long Island Crisis Center - you can call, text, chat online, whatever. Looks like they're available 24/7 to help with any type of problem. They will know about support groups. You can even chat online with a live counselor. How great is that?

24/7 Crisis Hotline: [phone]

longislandcrisiscenter.org/

We don't learn that much from the things that go well, but we sure do learn a lot from our mistakes. Realizing that you've gained wisdom from these experiences can help you transform them into something more postiive - I'm sure they've helped you grow a lot as a person. Best of luck to you!