hey...
I'm Ath3na, I just joined so I don't really know anything about this. um...I'm sixteen, depression and anxiety obviously, I think about killing myself a lot but I'm afraid to really do it, I used to self-harm and I finally stopped a year and a half ago but in the past few months I've been worse that ever so I've started again. always here to talk if anyone needs it.
Have you seen a doctor about this? 16 is so young to be thinking about self harm. You've got everything to live for.
I haven't. um...I first started self-harming when I was twelve. when I was thirteen a friend of mine found out and told my mother. her reaction was...I can't describe the pain that I saw in her. she felt like it was her fault, that she wasn't a good enough parent. so I lied. I said that I'd only been saying I was cutting for the attention, that I wasn't actually doing it. so she sent me to a really crappy counselor that thought I was this attention-seeking spoiled brat who made up problems so she'd seem special. I hated every minute of it and I stopped going after four sessions.
my family is convinced I'm their perfect child, that there isn't anything wrong with me. they tell me that they hope that my little cousins turn out like me because of how great a teenager I am. I act like I'm fine for them and then I hide in my room and cut and have a breakdown because I can't disappoint them. I have a friend that I confided in - she'd talk me through my worst days - but she found out that I've been self-harming again and she's distant.
thank you, but I don't think I do have anything to live for.
Living for yourself, it's hard when you're down. But cultivating self love and self worth and finding the divine within can be what you live for.
You must be a thoughtful and empathic person to try to hide your pain so others don't hurt.
You, my young beautiful friend, deserve to live and find your divine within.
It's a sad and beautiful world. Just don't forget the beautiful.
Thank you for sharing.
Hi Ath3na, I'm glad you found this forum and reached out to us. We care about each other and share our journey with anxiety and depression. However, we are not doctors we can only comfort, support and understand by our own experiences. Because of the serious nature of cutting as well as suicidal thoughts, my advice is to let an adult you trust know and get a professional to help you with this issue. Just by reading your response to Eaglestone I can see that you must feel under a lot of pressure with your parents feeling you are the "perfect teenager". That's a lot to live up to. Maybe more than you can handle and so cutting becomes your outlet.
In not wanting to disappoint your parents, this is where you may feel it would be better to die with them thinking of you as this perfect child than living out your life as the person you truly are. A normal teen with normal feelings who doesn't want to be on this pedestal. We cannot live our lives for the expectations of our parents. We all are our own person. You sound very sweet, very sincere and honest. I hope you will be honest to yourself and talk with a counselor at school or your mom or a family member in getting the help you so need.
We care by keeping our members safe from harm. xxx
You can reach out to me anytime, I keep crazy hours. I've been through a lot my own self so I'll do whatever I can for you!
lisa
Remember God brought here and you are very special to Him and me!!!!!!!!!!!
Lisa
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