Just need to vent—and let moss grow over me

[comb]

Life feels like a constant roller coaster, and I could fall out at any time.

Last week I learned that my uncle had been hospitalized because he was threatening to kill himself and had the cops called on him. He threatened to kill anyone that got in his way.

I also told my mom and family for the first time that I was raped. My mom came and visited me which was half good and half strange and hard and heartbreaking because I miss her so much.

I go on a huge international trip on Monday for 2 weeks and I’m so terrified that it’s going to be awful and horrible and I’m going to be so depressed and anxious the whole time I won’t be able to enjoy it.

I want to sit in my apartment all day. I don’t want to do anything. My mind feels off kilter always and I just want to seclude myself.

I have major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety, social anxiety, dermatitillia (spelling? It’s where you constantly pick at your skin), and maybe psychosis?

I’m taking medication, and seeing a therapist. But I always walk out of therapy feeling wounded or a unsettled. Maybe that’s the point.

In short....this all feels like too much work to handle. It’s so hard to just take care of myself. I’m functioning and going to work but I really just want to curl up in a corner and let moss grow over me.

[Justswimming]

Sorry depression and anxiety can be rough..your uncle is not your problem the hospital will take care of him..you are supposed to cry in therapy sometimes a 2 week trip away from some of the ongoings at home sounds like it could be a perfect way to get you out of your head and focused on learning and enjoying different culture try listening to music reading drawing etc

[Sprinkle1]

Terrible place to be, and as just swimming said sorry about your uncle but that is Not your problem. You have what I have deep depression and killer anxiety, I have to look after me. I am currently on 6 medications, I hate taking pills, but I want to get well. Look for help I am sure your therapist means well, if not then find one that specializes in anxiety/depression. Consider talking to a psychiatrist, I got some of my best help with mine. Maybe your med.s need to be increased or changed. Sorry it is not easy but we have to leave no stone unturned.

As a fellow sufferer I feel for you, be good to yourself, do not put yourself down, do something nice for yourself everyday. Exercise is a good aid, my Dr. recommends 1/2 hr every day, twice if I can mange it. I like to walk. I send you best wishes, love & peace and remember we are here for you. Sprinkle 1

[comb in reply to Sprinkle1]

Thanks for your response! Luckily I am talking to a psychiatrist and a psychologist. It’s just going to take a bit to get the right medication combination.

[mcorbettd]

Have you thought about going into a program for a while? I know it really helped me

[comb in reply to mcorbettd]

What kind of program did you go through?

[mcorbettd in reply to comb]

First I went to residential at timberline knolls. If your insurance okays it, then I highly recommend them. Residential is great because you’re dedicated to therapy pretty much 24/7. It’s intense but imo it’s worth it