would love your advice

[yprice74]

My problems came from me finding out that my husband recently cheated on my with a woman he works with. I've been trying to deal with a lot. The alcohol In my mind seems to help.

[Hidden]

The alcohol isn't going to help. It will make you feel better temporarily, yet not in the long term. You're trying to avoid the problem of your husband's cheating. It brings up a lot of bad emotions that you have a right to, yet please don't do anything impulsive or foolish. It's not your fault he did that.

[Hardluck]

Is this something he confessed to you?

[cigandawaffle]

i'm sorry for what your husband did. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. it isn't because you're not pretty enough, or whatever you convince yourself it is. it is your husband's insecurities or sexual impulses. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. are you going to leave him? if not, i would recommend couple's therapy as soon as possible

[Windy101]

Trust is so necessary for a marriage. He violated that, big time. I too found that some vodka on the rocks made it all go away. Just one. But later it was all there waiting for me.

Unfortunately, this is one of those situations that's going to take time and the only way out is through it. if a drink now and then helps, it's not the end of the world, but if you're drinking every day or lolling around drinking when you need to be taking action, you are going to create a new problem you don't need.

It comes down to the words from that great "Clash" song: Should I stay or should I go now?

There are women who stay. I couldn't. I was so hurt, angry, and disgusted that I had to go. Only you know what's right for you.

Instead of picking up a bottle, pick up a phone and call a hotline or make an appointment with a counselor who can help you figure out your next steps. Remember that you are a woman of dignity, worth, and value. He does not define you. YOU define you.

Hugs to you, sweetheart. Hold your head high. You are not the foolish one here.

[Struggling777 in reply to Windy101]

Windy101 I admire your strength and courage very much. I am still trying to come to terms with feelings of rejection and insecurity after so many years -- I need to change!

[Windy101 in reply to Struggling777]

You can do it! How dare he treat you this way! How dare he betray your love and trust! You are not the one in the wrong here. Let your anger move you forward. Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. He violated that. You have the right to be furious and to want better.

[Struggling777]

I'm very sorry to hear that but alcohol is a temporary fix. You may find counselling helps by giving you the opportunity to talk anonymously and the same goes for this site.

Sometimes it's good to confide in a friend but it must be what you want as you can tell them more than you actually want them to know (speaking from experience!). My marriage broke up many years ago and I wished I'd spoken to a counsellor before talking to too many friends although most of my friends were great and still are.

I hope you manage to sort things out and find what's right for you. If you're in UK you may find a call to Samaritans helps. You can call day or night and they will allow you to talk through how you're feeling without any opinions or judgement thus bringing you to your own conclusions. They are on 116123 and I hope this helps you. Good luck and take care.

[LennyL]

I’m a recovering alcoholic and addict, alcohol is only making you more depressed. Your mind is not clear. You are making poor decisions, you are harming yourself with a liquid! Once trust is broken, you will never ever have a relationship like the one before. Yes it’s painful, but you need to leave. Because you are being self destructive while he is just living his life. You are not the cheater, so tell me why you are punishing yourself.