Concert & Event Anxiety

[StereotypicalPisces]

Hey guys,

I have some important events to attend, one within the next week that pertains to my career and the thing I love to do in life and the other is a concert next month that I bought tickets for months ago for my boyfriends birthday before my anxiety took over my life.

**Warning: long post**

I've struggled the past few months to eat, sleep, and even bathe myself without assistance from either my mother or boyfriend and it's been extremely hard on my confidence feeling like a huge baby who can't do anything on her own. Ive had to stop driving because it became too overwhelming to handle. I've had to cancel my beach vacation because I couldn't even get a grip on my constant panic attacks.

I've just started going back to work after 4 weeks of being completely paralyzed in fear and anxiety and even though I'm getting better, I still feel like ever since my anxiety seemed to come from nowhere, hit me hard, and was initially misdiagnosed as hyperthyroidism with the symptoms I had, I'm scared I don't have the confidence and stamina back to go to these events even though I've gone to them before and had a wonderful time and was so excited to go back and do those things again.

I really don't want to let myself down with my networking event and I really want to be there for my boyfriend, his birthday and seeing his favorite artist since he was there for me at my favorite musicians concert. But only recently since August have I been struggling to leave the house. I'd have panic attacks in doctors waiting rooms, going out to grocery shop or just out of sheer frustration of being independent and now it feels like my body is against me.

When I had my first panic attack, I went to urgent care afterwards and the doctor said I had every sign of hyperthyroidism and didn't believe I truly had anxiety, and to go to the hospital if I feel like I'm going into a thyroid storm. A week or two later I have the panic attack from hell in the middle of the night and at the time thinking it was a thyroid storm my parents rushed me to the ER just to be told that nothing is wrong with me and my thyroid levels seem to be fine and just gave me a days worth of xanax and sent me home. Wanting to get more in depth results since I got two conflicting diagnoses from two different doctors I decided to go see an endocrinologist and also had made an appointment to see a psychiatrist as well. My psychiatrist appointment came first and they didn't provide much help. I basically talked about my feelings, but in order to actually see the psychiatrist on site they wanted me to be admitted into an inpatient program which I didn't understand. I was offered no help as far as how to cope with anything. Next was my endocrinologist in which I learned that even though they did a scan and it turns out I have a benign cyst on my thyroid, they also agreed with the ER doctor that my actual hormone levels are fine and to come back in 6 months just to be sure. I've managed to get an appointment for an actual psychiatrist to talk to but they are booked up until just a week before it's time for me to travel out of state for the concert and I'm scared of going to a large event now even though that was never a problem for me just mere months ago.

My primary care doctor put me on a low dose of xanax until I can see my psychiatrist, but since I've been chasing after a thyroid problem that didn't exist, it's taken a huge toll on my mental health and only recently have I been able to function almost normally. I still struggle in Walmart when it's crowded but I'm glad I'm able to work again. But I really haven't had the time I needed to figure out what's really going on with my anxiety since it was never a problem before. It really did seem to come out of thin air when I was grocery shopping one day (details in my other posts). I had nothing to be anxious about, yet I had a random anxiety attack and I'm still struggling every single day to understand it.

I just don't know what to do. I feel like a huge disappointment and I really don't want to disappoint myself. My anxiety has also caused me to slip into a depression. I want to go to the work event this weekend because I had so much fun at it last year and got to meet so many great people and companies and could really help boost my career and what I love to do and my boyfriend I went to a concert in march for my birthday and had a wonderful time as well (and I really don't want to spoil his chance at seeing his all time favorite artists and make all new plans at the last minute if he can find a friend to go with, since it is an out of state trip in the middle of the work week) but now that I'm aware of my anxiety I have no clue how to control it when I get overwhelmed in a crowd or in any extreme emotions. I've had to distance myself from a lot of people who love and care about me and I also feel awful about that.

Can anyone offer any advice on how to handle crowds or getting sensory overload? Not only could this help me at these special events, but in my day to day life whether I'm working or going out to run my errands. Even on xanax I can't help but feel my heart race at thinking of everything that could go wrong at these events and also letting people down and beating myself up making my depression worse if I can't go.

Should I even attempt to go? Everything seems to be coming at a bad time and fast. These things I've been looking forward to for months have become things I fear and I hate that I can't enjoy anything anymore. It feels like my anxiety will never end. I've been slowly getting better but every single day I live with an underlying sense of nervousness and some days I can't eat at all because my nerves will have me too nauseated to eat or I'll have an upset stomach with diarrhea. It's been miserable and I'm starting to really hate life. Work is only going to keep picking up for the holidays (I'm lucky they didn't replace me for having to be gone so long) and I can't be a hermit but these specific large events have been fogging my mind and making my progress regress back into where I feel like I could possibly having an attack after not having one in weeks. Anxiety attacks scare me so much, and I really wouldn't want to embarrass myself in public being far away from my safe spaces such as my car and far from home.

I just need help.

[CapitalT]

@StereotypicalPisces , i've taken the time to read and reply.

Seems like you've had a lot on your plate to worry about, so it's little wonder your anxious and perhaps depressed.

I will admit to being similar, lots of things impacted my life at once, well came to a head really, so truly empathise, it can be very tough.

I'm glad your tests seem to have come back OK, with the exception of the small cyst, and from the actions you've taken, help you've sought I'm sure you'll pull through, especially with the help of your boyfriend and family.

Have you heard of Mindfulness ? It's a way of distancing ourselves from our surroundings, enabling our breathing and panic/anxiety symptoms to subside.

I've struggled with it, but have found times when it does work.

I'll read your shopping post too and hope my posts are helping.

Hang in there it will get better, especially with help and support, it just takes time.