Exhausting but Worth it

[fatinaziz]

I had severe anxiety and panic attack for days it really makes me go crazy. I become irrational and weak. Since I am a international student and currently far away from my family, I keep on call them and makes them worried about my condition. I broke-down twice last week. I cried like crazy and I emailed my sponsor and academic advisor and told them I wanna go back to my home country and quit school. I am always anxious and it really consumed a lot of my energy. I can't even eat I feel weak. I know the reason of my attack is due to fear of being alone and far away from my family. Last night I feel like I can't take it anymore and I force myself to not thing about anything and clear my mind and somehow it give me peace. However, when i woke up this morning, I feel like shit again. Probably because anxiety has become my sub conscious thoughts. But i refuse to give up and force myself to only focus on what I am going to do today and I make list of things I want to complete. To be honest, it is really exhausting to control ur mind at all time. I always need to be aware of my thoughts and makesure it doesnt slipped into some negative or overthinking thoughts. I did feel tighten of chest once in a while but today is soo much better than previous days. I really hope I will feel like today or even better tomorrow. Eventhough its exhausting bit it is worth to feel the peace again.

[HearYou]

You have a very large case of ":homesickness". Many students feel this as everything you knew and everybody you know are not with you. This is normal and you feel sad and lonely. If you have a computer you could use Skipe to visit home. Perhaps the counselors who helped arrange for you to study away from home can arrange for you can introduce you to others your age and maybe assign a "school big sister or brother' to ease your way into your new school and activities to help adjust.

You must be very intelligent to be studying abroad. So congratulations. Now it's time for you to wash away your tears and speak with your counselor.

You are going to be fine once you are passed this bumpy adjustment.

[fatinaziz in reply to HearYou]

I had 3 sessions with the counsellor but somehow i dont like it. I do make friends as well but I feel like they are strangers and I am not comfortable. I know nothing can beat the comfort being with family and I really hope I will find the comfort soon.

[blackcat64013]

Hi Fatinaziz ,

So sorry to hear that your student life is full of these ups and downs.

HearYou has some good advice to which I will add.

Awareness of your thoughts and feelings is a huge plus in coping with anxiety.

You school will have a student assistance program (SAP) to help you overcome your anxiety etc.

The SAP offers confidential and free support and advice in counseling sessions to students to address their concerns.

Exhaustion often comes on from not having good sleep to repair from the day before and prepare for the day ahead. Be sure to get enough quality sleep each night. If not, you very quickly get a sleep debt and more problems.

Take care

[fatinaziz in reply to blackcat64013]

I always woke up around 5.30 in the morning and my heart race so hard. I force myself back to sleep and I did but its not a deep sleep but I am still thankful that i get at least total of 7 -8 hours of sleep. i already visitted the counsellor and somehow it make me feel worst. I will try to overcome this problem myself and with my family support.

[blackcat64013]

Counselling is exhausting and can make you feel worse but the result is worth the effort. Keep going as one or two sessions are not a good indication of potential benefits, usually 6 - 10 sessions are required.

If you really cannot make a good connection with the counselor, ask to try some one else who may be a better fit with you.