Finally came to terms and learning how to cope

[Loki1018]

So I'm turning 30 in 2 months and about 4 months ago I finally swallowed my pride and ego and dropped the denial that something wasn't right with me. My first breakdown happened at work and I work at a hospital and luckily the person I broke down too understood what I was going through. First it was anxiety so I go downstairs to the ER and then soon started seeking for professional help. I now see a therapist and a psychiatrist. Started off with .25mgs of xanax and now quite quickly in under 14 weeks am up too 200mgs of lamictal. Got diagnosed with bipolar depression and anxiety woo hoo. The other night at 2 am I went and took a hammer and with that added plates and glasses and guess we can figure out that equation because I exploded and couldn't handle it anymore. Plus the fact that I've only been able to get 2-3 hours of sleep and mind you I'm up at 5:30 am for work and won't hit the bed till 10-11pm so I run on barely any sleep for hours at this moment I believe I hit my low and there is soo much going right now that at times I'm overloaded with emotions and other times I'm just numb. Mostly irritation, followed by rage and anger then anxiety and then after feeling all that guilt. I'm doing my best where it doesn't conflict my work life because I have the lives of others in my hands and need to be able to give them the best care to get them better but it's starting to get really hard being here is also a trigger for my anxiety.