Crying again

[Steph2293]

I got home and I started to feel sad sl and guilty. I tried to supress myself from crying because my family is sick of it and I don't want my father try to hit me. I'm scared of that.

My father think that I forgot the things he told me one night when I was studying and he got home drunk. I remebered clearly. He told me that he doesn't expect a s**t from me, that I don't whort a s**t, that I'm useless. I was crying very hard when he was telling me that that and I thought he was going to hit me but for some reason he didn't. My mother and my sister did not say a thing.

So I tried to stay calm. When I get to bed I started to cry.

Why? Why? Why?

Why do I feel like this? How did I end up like this?

[Priscillarojas-]

You are not alone I also have an alcoholic father. He doesn't seem to understand much. So whenever I'm going through a rough time I go to him because people say you should speak to your parents. But he always just swipes it under the rug as if it doesn't matter. Such as my anxiety and panic attacks, he flips out over the smallest things and also tells me I'm useless and I'm never gonna be good enough so I turned to my mom for help. Talking to someone about your problems helps a little bit goes a long way.

[mjlitl13]

I'm quite a bit older than you, but I have gone through a similar family situation when I was younger.

I too cried almost all time and especially when my father was telling at me. When I started crying, he just got angrier and was disgusted and walked away in a huff.

I was lucky in that I was able to confuse in my mother even though SHE was the one with a drinking problem.

I went to Catholic School and hated every second of it which caused a lot of my crying.

In 2nd grade, the Mother Superior called my parents in to suggest I see a therapist. My father yelled at her saying "Not my child!".

My sister told me she tried to help by telling my father it might be a good idea. That was the only time he physically abused her by pushing her into a wall saying "That's when they label you crazy!"

For me, he was extremely verbally abusive but never physically.

I was finally able to get into therapy in my early 20's, using my own money.

That was the start of my recovery.

Also, when I was finally able to feel brave enough to go to a free support group, that is when I was finally able to "come out of my shell". In Adult Children Of Alcoholics, I finally felt like I belonged! They felt like my family, more than my biological family ever did!

There is also a support group for teens (Alateen).

If you feel up to it, you can look it up online.

What is so great about these groups is they accept you just as you are. Plus, you do not have to share!

I hope my experiences have helped you even a little.

Keep coming back here and let us know how you are doing.

Hugs,

MJ

[nayacobalt]

I hope you know what your father said to you is not true. You are not worthless, useless or any other hurtful words he throws your way. We can't pick our families but we can choose who we want to be. It doesn't matter what he, or anyone else, does or doesn't expect of you. All that matters is what you expect from yourself. I know how much it hurts when the people who are supposed to love and protect you the most in this world, are the ones causing you pain. You are strong enough to get through this. Focus on the good things in your life and do well in school. I cannot stress enough how important a good education is and it will lead you to a path out of there. There's a whole world out there just waiting for you!