New to this

[highanxiety17]

I'm new to this being open about my problems thing so bare with me. I feel like I'm a fraud. A fake. A liar. For basically my entire life I've pretended to be okay or happy when in reality I've had this inner turmoil that I've been trying to conceal because I'm afraid it will scare people away. I fear being rejected and often have panic attacks in the middle of the night about it. I'm more and more concerned with my anxiety and how I deal with it because I feel like it's getting worse. I fear one day I won't have the strength to fight it anymore. My hope is that I can finally get some help as I clearly can't do this on my own anymore. I'm not one to ask for help so it's a really tough thing for me to do. I want to feel contentment. I'm not even asking for happiness, I just want to feel like I'm okay. I feel like that's not too much to ask for.

[Kanzi]

Hi highanxiety17! It must be very difficult for you to deal with all that inner turmoil and anxiety every day. I have also dealt with intense anxiety since I was very little. When I was 17, I didn't have any friends at school, and I felt so much anxiety about that fact that I wouldn't even go eat lunch in the cafeteria like everyone else. Instead, I would skip lunch and hide by myself in the library.

One day, I finally realized that I had "a problem", and started seeing a therapist for it. That opened me up to a whole new world of ideas about how to overcome my anxiety and undo the destructive habits I had acquired over the years.

Opening ourselves up to someone and asking for help is a great thing! In "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brené Brown (an awesome book!), she talks about the "three C's", which are how we can cultivate a life of wholeheartedness. They are: courage, compassion, and connection.

When we ask for help from others, we are fulfilling two of those "C's": courage and connection! Opening up to others requires the courage to put "our vulnerability on the line", and it allows ourselves to connect with others in a compassionate, non-judgmental way! It's a very healthy and beneficial thing to do for ourselves, and it's actually necessary to being content in the world.

I hope you will make the first steps to ask for help. I know your inner strength to keep fighting for what's best for you will only continue to grow.

[Samscar]

Hi highanxiety17, I can relate to how you're feeling. I've been suffering from depression and anxiety for about 3yrs. I don't even feel like myself anymore. It's the worst at night and in the morning, sometimes throughout the day. My doctor prescribed be Prozac last year, however it made me feel worse so I quit. I've been trying to do everything natural , like exercising, vitamins and meditating. It did get better for like 3 months but I recent recently moved and I think with all the stress from the move my depression and anxiety has come back. I too are so tired of having to be strong, when will this end? I'm afraid it never will. I'm considering trying a new medication, I'm scared!

[highanxiety17 in reply to Samscar]

I've never been on any medications. I've heard some pros but mostly cons so I'm worried about the possibility of going that route. I know excersise helps and I would love to resume hiking and playing basketball but I live in Arizona and it's just too hot still. I really don't think it does end, sadly. I think we will just have to figure out how to manage it. I've bailed on some plans this weekend and literally shut myself in my bedroom for a couple of days. I guess that's just part of it. I just hate those panic attacks in the middle of the night. Scary stuff. Hopefully after you're settled into your new place for awhile things will calm a bit. It's probably all the change and stress from moving. Best of luck with the new meds.