Why is this happening again?

So I'm 21 and the last time this happened was my birthday. I called my mum and told her I was struggling. It wasn't financial (it never has been) it was emotional. My nan has known about my mental health problems for a long time. She was contemplating having me sectioned. I was thinking about suicide a lot in the past. It wasn't just the odd thought like just doing it there and then. It was always thoroughly planned out. What I would do for my last day. Who I would see. What would I want people to know when I do it? Do I leave a text to be blunt or do I write to everyone and explain why I chose it? My mind would circulate these ideas for weeks. Inferences on how everyone would see me, how I can explain it so they can understand I have no other way out. It happene before that when I was 14. I overdosed on my medication with a 12 page explanation as to why. I feel like I'm screaming for help but I can't ask unless something is wrong with me. I also can't do it in case there isn't. How do I know what to Do? I feel lost and everyone just sees a ghost.

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  • Hi, life has many ways to get to you on mental and emotional level. I can relate since i m currently facing some issues that makes me want to commit suicide.

    If you have suicidal thoughts, be it with reason or no reason... it is still something good enough reason for you to ask for help. I know that is why i started to come here and seek help.

    Firstly you are not alone. Feeling like screaming... i do too. I feel like standing in middle of croud, hoping that someone comes and asks me what is wrong... or even lend a kind hand, say few supporting words... maybe even guide me.

    Its like being invisible to people around us and those who do see us, just doesnt understand us... what we feel and what we goig through.

    It would help if you can open up and speak with someone, even visit a councellor, get into a therapy.

    If you need someone to talk to, feel free to reach out. And just hang in there... if not for yourself then for the people who love you and would be hurt to see you this way.

    Speak to someone. Reachout and connect. Stay safe.

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