For everyone their personal reasons that trigger and dirty and depression are going to be incredibly different, and remarkably similar. I'm in a relationship with my parter and she doesn't suffer from any of these mental issues except "normal" anxiety every once in a while. And she definitely doesn't understand what my brain is bc she thinks I should think like her. And she has told me several times that I need to get over things like a normal person and that she wishes things were the way they were before I got depressed at the beginning of July. My depression didn't come from nowhere. I have had anxiety and depression since I was a teen eager, probably before, bc I didn't get what I needed from my family. I feel so alone. So alone. I feel so misunderstood. I can't trust anyone. I can't force myself to be happy even tho I have a lot to be happy for despite stressors of life, but it's hard. I just wish she knew what it felt like. Ugh. There is so much. So much to explain. Probably why I am trying to write all of this out on WattPad Bc my life has been so screwed up. Based on the way I look everyone would expect me to be happier, to feel different. I can't change my brain, I can't erase my memories that have made my life what it is. I feel like the anxiety, insecurity, depression, fear of abandonment and feeling misunderstood Are manifesting harder and stronger than ever before in my life. Things keep happening one right after the other. From relationship, to my family (my partner and I and my daughter), and the ones that I was raised with, to every damn thing else. Money, getting new job, girlfriend breaking up with me ALL the time, lying, turning people against me. I am rambling because I am lost. And this tiny little post can't even begin to explain what everything really is. So I don't even know if it will help, I just know that I don't want to feel alone anymore.