I don't want to feel alone anymore

For everyone their personal reasons that trigger and dirty and depression are going to be incredibly different, and remarkably similar. I'm in a relationship with my parter and she doesn't suffer from any of these mental issues except "normal" anxiety every once in a while. And she definitely doesn't understand what my brain is bc she thinks I should think like her. And she has told me several times that I need to get over things like a normal person and that she wishes things were the way they were before I got depressed at the beginning of July. My depression didn't come from nowhere. I have had anxiety and depression since I was a teen eager, probably before, bc I didn't get what I needed from my family. I feel so alone. So alone. I feel so misunderstood. I can't trust anyone. I can't force myself to be happy even tho I have a lot to be happy for despite stressors of life, but it's hard. I just wish she knew what it felt like. Ugh. There is so much. So much to explain. Probably why I am trying to write all of this out on WattPad Bc my life has been so screwed up. Based on the way I look everyone would expect me to be happier, to feel different. I can't change my brain, I can't erase my memories that have made my life what it is. I feel like the anxiety, insecurity, depression, fear of abandonment and feeling misunderstood Are manifesting harder and stronger than ever before in my life. Things keep happening one right after the other. From relationship, to my family (my partner and I and my daughter), and the ones that I was raised with, to every damn thing else. Money, getting new job, girlfriend breaking up with me ALL the time, lying, turning people against me. I am rambling because I am lost. And this tiny little post can't even begin to explain what everything really is. So I don't even know if it will help, I just know that I don't want to feel alone anymore.

3 Replies

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  • Hi, I know what you are trying to say. The feelings do get overwhelming specially when something bad starts to happen and people around us dont see what we see... it is just as hard to live inside our skin at that time. People say what is your problem, why are you so negative, why you always think the worst... the fact is; we have been through something similar before or something worse which we just got reminded off. It simply takes us back there in that same place. People dont understand how we got out of it first time and it just keeps getting harder every damn time to get over it once we get reminded about it.

    Feel free to reach out whenever you need to talk to someone. I know i m all ears.

  • Thank you so much for replying! And you are so right. Especially about the living in our skin part. That struck a chord in me bc I am always saying, even more so in my worst moments, that I want to just crawl out of my skin. And about being negative all the time, I try not to be but I most definitely am. I can't help it, the world looks different to everyone, especially people with mental illness. Which, is a tough pill to swallow to admit that I have a mental illness. Don't actually think I have ever said that before. And I didn't even say it, I typed it 😆. Anyway, even tho you are just one person who sent me a paragraph of words, it meant a lot and made me feel better! And same for you, I'm all ears!

  • Hi Medge!

    I am here because I have a friend who is just so lonely and anxious and I am trying to help. Maybe your gf does not know how to deal with what you are going through, but I think she means well. She wants to help and she thinks she is. I'm just realizing this, that when I tell my friend what to do, it is from my own perspective, which is not considering how he feels. And some advices are unsolicited, but its something people who feel ok think is helpful.

    What should be done? I am a good listener, but many times, I want to tell him what to do.

    Thanks so much for posting. I am learning a lot.

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