My boyfriend is depressed and I need advice about what to do

[27nunio]

Hi, I'm new here. After breaking up with my boyfriend for 3 months we decided to get back together. He has a depression and the reason why we broke up was that I didn't know how bad was his mental illness. I've been educating myself about this illness and I have proved him that I love him showing support and encouraging to be better. But during this time I've been feeling frustrated with work and on top of that anxious, I'm worried about him all the time. He barely calls me, text me and his alcohol habits have gone severely. I'm trying to be patient but I wish he could talk to me, ask me how I'm doing, or give me the quality time I'm giving him. I know that he is emotional unavailable right now, and I shouldn't take it personally, but I do and that's affecting me. I love him and I promise him I was going to be stronger for the both us, but I don't know how much I can wait.

[Sarah1111111]

It sounds really difficult for you. One thing I will say is make sure you get the support you need as looking after someone is exhausting. Is he seeking support from else where , such as his GP or talking therapies? He needs to want to help himself as well and will probably need more than you can give him on your own. You mention alcohol as well. Does he drink every day? All day? Has he sought help for that too?

Keep messaging us her, maybe see if there are any groups near you where you can meet up with others, or if you feel like it's causing your mood to lower ask for support from your GP.

[27nunio in reply to Sarah1111111]

HI! He didn't want professional help, but a week ago he acknowledges that he definitely needs it. I still don't know if he had search for help because he barely talks to me or hangout. Is a strange action that I don't understand, especially if he said that he loves me. And even when it sounds that I'm doubting, I do know he has feelings for me but is hard to tell how strong these feeling are, when he doesn't spend time with me. Alcohol has been one of his struggles, he feels that he once he starts he can't stop. Even when he knows he is doing something wrong he keeps doing it. Is a very hard situation and I feel overwhelmed.

[Sarah1111111 in reply to 27nunio]

You definitely need to be your own support, and perhaps give him an ultimatum. He has to actively try to get better by accepting professional help or you need to have time apart for him to ge well. It sounds harsh but it may be what he needs to realise how low he is and how much he needs help. If done in the right way with lots of love and assurances that you care it can work. Other people on this site have been through it and hopefully they will be able to support you in this better than I can

[gogogirl]

I know it's hard especially if you care about someone- but if he barely hangs out with you- please take care of yourself first. Life is too short.