Insomnia is keeping me company...

[FixingThePineapple]

I hate lying awake at night thinking about how to "fix" myself/my life. It's 5:30am here and I've been trying to fall asleep for a few hours now. At this point though I'm not even remotely tired. I can't stop thinking things along the lines of, "my life would be better if..." I'm so sick of imagining these hypotheticals.

I feel like I'm not an entire person. Like I'm broken and some of the peices are missing. I'm searching frantically for them, like Velma for her glasses, but I can't find them. No one is there to find them for me and help me up, I must do it on my own. It's scary to think about and it makes me want to fall to my knees and pray to be swept away somewhere magical. I don't want to keep searching, I don't want to keep struggling. I don't want to keep staying up late, or being lazy, or being alone. I just want time to freeze forever. I wish for all of these worries to be gone. No more worrying about money, work, education, family, pets, my health, or my relationship. I want to wave a magical wand and poof everything away. I long for a simpler life. As a fish maybe. Live my life swimming peacefully without a care. No depression, no anxiety. But these are all just wishes and that's all they'll ever be.

[FixingThePineapple]

I'm sorry, I don't know why this is tagged with paranoia, I must have done that on accident

[Windy101]

Have you seen a doctor about this? I'm no expert, but my hunch is you may have some generalized anxiety and depression that's keeping you awake. Insomnia is a pretty classic symptom, as is worrying about every detail of one's life. You may find with treatment that the things you thought were problems aren't so worrisome after all. Meanwhile, try to keep in mind that most of the things that people worry about never even happen. I hope you do seek help and if you are already seeing a doctor, make an appointment for some additional help. You deserve a good night's sleep and much less to worry about!

[FixingThePineapple in reply to Windy101]

Thank you for your advice. I've been taking melatonin the past 2 nights and it helps me fall asleep rather quickly. As for seeing a doctor, I'm still waiting to be approved for Medicaid before I can go. I was told it may take up to 90 days so I've just gotta tough this out for now.

[Windy101 in reply to FixingThePineapple]

I understand. I hope you get it and that you find out faster than 90 days. Once you have it, everything will be so much easier!