This is long but this is just a part of myself that I want gone

[Debs101]

Lately, I've been struggling to keep up with myself. Everything has become so much slower and gray. I am no longer interested in the activities and hobbies I used to do. When someone asks me to hang out I never have any suggestions cause I don't care anymore. I stay in my room all the time and if I'm out it's probably cause I'm forcing myself too. I feel like it's hard to make me happy. I keep thinking how my life is gonna be shit, (btw I'm also starting college). I feel like I am not gonna do well in college and that I'm gonna give up easily. I get really angry sometimes for random things. Here an example: I got really pissed at my boyfriend yesterday at the Red Sox game because he kept asking me over and over where I wanted to eat. I've never snapped at him like that before. And after that, I told him I wanted to go home and he brought me home. Idk I just wasn't in a great mood. I feel like I'm a miserable bitch sometimes and I can't rightfully apologize for it. I oversleep, usually, Il wake up at 8 am but now I wake up at 10 am. I am disorganized and impatient. When I do wake up for work in the morning ill either start crying or get really sad but then my mood changes at work and I get into "work mode" cause I have too. I also feel dumb and like I can't focus, I feel "slow" and being able to get things straight. It's hard for me to read a book or sit down and write. It's hard for me to focus on things which makes my life extra hard socially and I feel like my life is getting harder and harder cause now I have to do a lot of big things on my own without the help of my parents, I mean I have been doing a lot of things on my own for the past 2 years but whatever. Oh did I mention that my parents are not gonna be very supportive of my mental health and I don't talk to them about anything because I already know their answer. They either won't believe or they tell me it's bullshit. Don't even get me started on my mother that's another story. She's awful to me sometimes and emotionally I consider myself really strong because of how she treated me. But let me know if you wanna hear the brutal things she has told me. Anyways I have many things going on with me and I feel like it's getting harder to keep up with life and I know I have a problem because it should not be this difficult and this brutal to be alive every day, haha.