I have dealt with anxiety and depression since a young age. I always feel alone and lost. Even when my family is here I feel alone and disconnected. It has been growing worse the last few months. I am having a very difficult day today. And it's only 10 am. I don't want to be on medications all of the time. I have also started taking kratom as a supplement for pain because I am only given a few pain killers each month. Doctors are put under gun about giving out pain medication and my doctor in particular is not as much of a believer in medication but in natural remedies. Which is fine to a point. I prefer natural remedies myself but sometimes they just don't cut it. Anyways, kratom gets expensive. And isn't a cure for my issues. Life is getting particularly hard these days and I reached a new low about a month ago. I have never understood those that cut or burn themselves to relieve the pressure of anxiety until very recently. It got so incredibly bad that I dug my nail into my arm until I could not take the pain anymore as soon as the pain let up I felt calmer. Amazingly calmer. I know it is a slippery slope and I don't want to take that path. But I have no one to talk to. I tried talking to my fiancé and his direct response was anger and he just said I've been there done that and it does nothing to relieve the stress. Him Not knowing that I had done this I said the hell it don't! Anyways we both shut up after that and ignored it. Anyways I am just babbling now. With no specific question. Just venting I guess. I no longer know what else to do.