Always Alone

[acarr86]

I have dealt with anxiety and depression since a young age. I always feel alone and lost. Even when my family is here I feel alone and disconnected. It has been growing worse the last few months. I am having a very difficult day today. And it's only 10 am. I don't want to be on medications all of the time. I have also started taking kratom as a supplement for pain because I am only given a few pain killers each month. Doctors are put under gun about giving out pain medication and my doctor in particular is not as much of a believer in medication but in natural remedies. Which is fine to a point. I prefer natural remedies myself but sometimes they just don't cut it. Anyways, kratom gets expensive. And isn't a cure for my issues. Life is getting particularly hard these days and I reached a new low about a month ago. I have never understood those that cut or burn themselves to relieve the pressure of anxiety until very recently. It got so incredibly bad that I dug my nail into my arm until I could not take the pain anymore as soon as the pain let up I felt calmer. Amazingly calmer. I know it is a slippery slope and I don't want to take that path. But I have no one to talk to. I tried talking to my fiancé and his direct response was anger and he just said I've been there done that and it does nothing to relieve the stress. Him Not knowing that I had done this I said the hell it don't! Anyways we both shut up after that and ignored it. Anyways I am just babbling now. With no specific question. Just venting I guess. I no longer know what else to do.

[Jenmomof3]

I think the feeling of feeling alone is quite normal. There are so many times that I have said, I could be in a room with a million people and still feel so alone. I think its because anxiety makes us feel like we are alone. We can look around a room and it seems as if people are functioning "normal". They seem happy and calm and don't seem to be living with any anxiety at all. But you never know what someone may be going through just by looking at them. I also think it's because there are so many people who just dont understand anxiety. They have never lived it so they don't know what we go through everyday. I reassure you that you are not alone. Just reading the posts on this sight can show you that. instead of hurting yourself, maybe you should try some form of exercise to get rid of the anger and anxious energy. I find when I am really anxious or feeling upset that getting up and doing something physically exerting, helps. Hope this helps

[acarr86 in reply to Jenmomof3]

Thankyou ☺️ I know I am not alone. Unfortunately what I know and feel are two different things. I have tried exercising which definitely helps. I just have to learn to go easy. One day of mild exercise puts me down for a few days because my back is so bad. I just have to figure out an even milder form of exercising. Thanks again for replying. It does help that there are other caring people around. They are few and far between these days.