Anxiety and Depression Support

Do I change myself or move on?

I cannot figure out why I am so needy during sleep. I am in need of a partner who allows me to be close and snuggle but I have a partner who doesn't like to be close and snuggle during sleep. It is the one thing we argue about and it has just about broken an otherwise wonderful relationship up. I'm curious if this is something I am supposed to fix in myself so I do not need that kind of sleep or if I should dump a great partner and look for one that meets my needs with sleep? He seems to think I can just get a teddy bear or body pillow to suit my needs. I seem to think if he loves me enough he would crave the same closeness that I crave. Or maybe I can see a counselor and get "fixed."

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Before throwing an otherwise wonderful relationship away, I would try therapy. No one person is ever going to be able to fulfill all of our needs, and to expect your partner to fill that need is a lot to ask. I'm sure your partner would love to be able to make you happy in that way, but if it has been discussed and fought over, I personally would try to address the problem that causes you to feel as though you cannot live this way.

The reason I say this is because this may very well just be the first dependency to arise from your anxiety. Having dealt with anxiety for many years without meds or receiving help, I can say that more dependencies may develop. Looking back at my own mistakes, I am able to see that I once put too much on my husband. At first, I could not sleep without putting my leg on him. Eventually, I couldn't travel without him, go to appointments without him, or even decide dinner without him. I developed an unhealthy dependency on him that strained our marriage. I eventually sought treatment and things improved.

Therapy can help. I try now to live by the rule that I attempt to fix my own behavior in relationships first. It can work wonders in how things turn out and problems can be resolved. It can't hurt to try! Best of luck!

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Thank you, very well said! I will get therapy and try everything that I can.

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