Dealing with crippling depression and anxiety at times, low self esteem(down to ZERO for years), negative body image, self hatred....how is my life worth living? My family has never been there for me. I have always been ALONE. No one understands me and i feel beaten down by life. I hate my life and always have so far. I wish i could be happy. I wish i knew what i want to do with my life. I want to move out so i can get away from my parents who are so neglectful towards me and verbally abusive and they were NEVER emotionally able. They pressure me about money. They haven't even taught me how to drive. Plus they sheltered me/still do. I feel like college is my only escape because i don't make enough money to get my own place and my parents constantly ask for money. I 'guess' i want to be a counseling psychologist to help people which is a therapist. But reading a post on here yesterday maybe having my own issues isn't a good idea with treating other people. So what else am i supposed to do???? I am so lost in life its crazy. I been lost since 12. Its depressing. I hope to not offend anyone but I always thought it is crazy that i never self harmed before in high school or contemplated suicide. My life never has had any purpose. Since high school i realized that i wake up everyday just to live like a zombie just going, and going, and going. I just don't know. Sometimes i do wish i could just put myself outta my own misery but i can't see myself hurting myself but who knows. Its also extremely hard going through life everyday and hating what is looking back at you in the mirror. I hate having low self esteem but its been low since i can remember. I have been called UGLY too many times to count in high school from girls and boys. I felt ugly since age 12 too so i feel like imma be like this forever. I want to love myself and my body but its impossible to me at the same time. If i go away to college i bet my depression and anxiety would only get worse. Why do i exist? My own parents seem to care more about whats in my pocket than my mental health. They treated and raised my older brothers better than me. Am i really wanted? No. Never even had a boyfriend yet and I'm 19. Pathetic. I'm such a freaking waste. I feel worthless. I will NEVER understand why i wake up everyday and just keep going and walking. How?????? I wonder what is the freaking point???? WHAT KEEPS ME GOING?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Last edited by Vonnah
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