Who am I?

[Tobeapatientlad]

Throughout my whole life, I've been behind closed doors as far as expressing myself goes. I've developed this subconscious reaction to close myself off to people whenever I get the chance to show what I'm all about. So now I'm constantly telling myself, "why can't you be yourself?" The more I asked this the more I found that I was unable to answer it. I think for the first time in my life, I really don't know who I am. I look around and I see many people embracing their identities and doing what they love. But I feel like an empty shell of a person, like I have no identity or meaning. Buddhist monk, scientist, artist, sheep a part of the flock, which of them am I? Maybe I should embrace all of them in some way. That Buddhist part of me is really telling me that my lack of identity is a good thing. Maybe then I can fully integrate myself as one with the universe, rather than setting myself apart.

[Hidden]

So, tobeapatientlad, what are you seeking by writing in this venue. My take on what you wrote is that you feel nowhere and maybe should, Perhaps you can be a bit more direct in expressing your needs in this venue. That would help other members to determine if they have something to offer you in your quest.

[Hidden]

Msybe your just putting your thoughts down but if you are feeling out of touch with yourself maybe it's finally time to take some much needed one-on-one alone time in a different setting and begin there. Writing every day and getting to know the real you.

[Kobojunkie]

The Buddhist in you tells you that being nobody is the best for you?

Here's the way I see it, I am a Christian, so, I believe first what my Christian faith tells me I am. Every other label sits just on top of that but at the end of the day, I am what my Christian faith says I am( don't worry I am not trying to convert or preach to you).

Now you are a Buddhist, I think it would make sense to put every other label right atop what your belief system says you are. If being a nobody makes sense to you, then go with that for a bit and see how you feel about it. If you find happiness, good. if not, then maybe you should look for another way of defining your person, of making sense of your existence.

I don't think Buddhism, in fact, tells people that they are nobodies!

[Hidden]

Often when people get depression they describe themselves as feeling lost. I know I did. You start to question everything. The things you used to care about don't seem to matter any more and this made me wonder who I now was. Since starting to recover from depression I am now seeing this as a positive. That after 18 months not doing all the things I used to I now have the opportunity to reassess what I think is important to me and what I want to have in my life. I really am starting right from scratch even re looking at my faith, everything. You can see it as a time to decide which bits of your life matter and which parts perhaps you wish to change. I hope this makes some sense to you!!