Hard Day

Hard Day

Today was a very hard day, I finally threw out my dogs medicine and I just broke down. It's about to be a month since I put him down and I'm just broken. I can't say I did the wrong thing because in my heart I know it was the right choice for him, holding on knowing he was in pain would have been a choice for myself not him. But I miss him everyday and so many little things just remind me of him, the way he loved to sun bathe, the way he would tilt his head so far to the side, and the way he would kick me in his sleep so he could have more room for himself. I miss him everyday and I know I will never forget him. Someday I'll see you again little buddy, someday I'll hold you again and tell you how much I love you.

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  • I'm sorry for your loss. I had to put my chihuahua down 8 months ago and it's something I'm still working through it. I still cry sometimes. My heart still feels empty. It's not as bad as when I firs put her down but it's still hard.

  • Your grieving the lost of your baby so it's normal are,lil paws are so special in are hearts so it's normal to have those feelings.

  • Two years ago I had to take in my 12yr old Bulldog boy to have him put to sleep. I knew it was the right decision, just like you for your furry baby. My boy's quality of life was way down during the last year I had to spend with him. He didn't enjoy his walks anymore. He would plop down even in the middle of the street when tired and this was a 65lb fur baby. Hard to carry home! He didn't get excited about food anymore; he got pretty thin and shaggy looking. He got pretty darned grumpy when anyone would have to move him. He couldn't hold his bladder long enough to make it out the doggy door and into the backyard, so he ended up peeing on a lot of things that wasn't where it was supposed to be. He knew he wasn't supposed to go in the house, so it made him really sad and depressed when he did. He was a handsome stud muffin and didn't like losing his dignity.

    Later on enough it got to the point where if he laid down, he would need assistance standing back up. That's when it was decided that it was probably time to let my baby rest in peace. It was the middle of summer and I didn't want him to walk out the doggy door one day, lay down (because he too loved to sunbathe in his youth and as a senior; it warmed his old bones up) then not be able to get back up, and fry to death in the sun. Putting down my furry friend was THE hardest thing I've had to do in my life so far, especially since he was the first pup that was my major responsibility and the first pup I got really emotionally attached with.

    I got to be with him during the entire process, and I remember him looking into my eyes with his sweet, big, round brown ones with all the love in the world inside them. I didn't cry in that moment. I wanted him to know it was ok for him to leave me. I kept myself as calm as possible so he could relax into the situation and so that we could properly spend a last loving moment together. I held his big, cute bulldog head in my hands rubbing my hands back and forth at the bottoms of his cheeks, my fingers scratching in his favorite spot for distraction while the vet put the needle in. The vet kept two fingers on his pulse.

    I kissed him on the nose and he reached out with his tongue in return to give me some loving bully kisses on the side of my cheek that started off with some strength and effort, but slowed in intensity and frequency as the fluid being pumped into his veins took effect. His head got heavier and heavier as his muscles relaxed. The one last kiss that he tried to give me couldn't quite get to my cheek. His head bowed fully into my hands and I relaxed it onto the medical table to stroke the top of his head.

    I watched his eyes close halfway his eyeballs slightly rolling to the back of his head. I told him I loved him and kissed him on the nose again. The vet came around to the front of the table and checked his eyes once he was getting no more heartbeats he could feel, then told me my boy had crossed his rainbow bridge. Once I got the confirmation I bawled my eyes out. I cried like I hadn't cried before because I was going to miss my fur baby.

    9months of grief later I decided it time to get another dog. I loved my bulldog baby so, so much and I will always miss him. I always think of him in his good and healthy days and that's how I wanted to remember him. I didn't want to remember him going down any other way than the way he did and because he went the way he did, I'm able to focus on the healthy/happy times and not his pain. I think of how much love I felt in the vet room that day when he was passing; how peaceful and dignified it was for him. I take happiness in knowing he had a great life because he was so loved and well cared for. I know he had a lot of love for me back, literally until the end that was bittersweet. I would never see the girly I have today as a replacement.

    Any pet you get has their own personality and their own little quirks that make them unique, just like us. I look at it as if a mother were to have a child who lives some time but ultimately loses the baby, then after some time tries and succeeds for another child. That second child will never replace the baby the mother lost. That baby was its own beautiful being, but it doesn't mean we have to deprive ourselves from loving another, especially if it is what completes your home. For me that is the case. A house is not a home and certainly not complete without the pitter patter of puppy feet!

    It takes some longer than others to grieve and some wouldn't think about going through the same pain again...everyone's different! Either way, I hope my story helps you relate and maybe take some consolation after losing your dog. I'm very sorry you're going through this painful loss. I really do know the heartbreak you feel over losing your furry partner. Here's a virtual big hug from me *firmly hugs.* We will both be able to hold our loved ones again and tell them how much we love them when it's our time.

  • :-( Thinking of you!! Sorry I have been MIA - I will write more shortly. XOXO

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