Nearly had a panic attack... But i made it through alive!

[Phoebe13]

I'm considering on writing on here every day (if i have the chance) as it helps me out so far with anxiety and my feelings. So I'm currently heading towards the end off my work day today and I took a phone call of my boyfriend as he likes to call me and its he's lunch break.

During the phone call, the weather is all damp and shabby and I feel panicky all of a sudden. The reason why it came over me was because I'm going on holiday after next week and I need to sort our stuff out before we go such as meals for the week, what to take, washing, cleaning, the basic's really. I normal rely on my mom to drop the suit cases off and when I see my mom I get anxious and I don't understand why, but last year when she dropped me back at my boyfriends dad's home (where we live) I would cry for like 10 mins when I got into the house.

When I live at my mom's house with both my parents, its really difficult for me. Every time I'm in that area I'm depressed and extremely anxious due to all the things that happend there. I don't think I'll ever get over it, its really dark and twisted past for someone at such a young age. Anyway, I lived with my mom, dad and disabled brother Dale. Its hard growing up because of the bullying but also my home life because my brother needs constant attention, so when I had a problem I would feel alone and would have to get through it by myself.

Its pretty much stuck with me and developed into anxiety. Talking about my personal problems and past gets me emotional and little messed up in the head but it's no easier living with my boyfriend. He's dads is a functioning alcoholic so the house is a bit run down and not the nicest to place to live in. My boyfriend has a younger sister who hates my guts and is constantly verbally attacking me and threatens violence on me. Lucky she visits every Monday and doesn't live there. I could handle my problems somewhat okay and I haven't let it overcome me until now. I've dealt with my anxiety before and my I'm older now and I want to find different ways of coping.

Sorry for such a long story guys :/

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Hi it seems to me from reading your post that you don't want to either live at home or with your bf's father. Is there any chance that the two of you can get a place of your own? Where you can just be yourself and have your home the way you choose. This is what I think you need. If you can't afford to do it yet then maybe you could both start working towards it.

You don't say whether you are getting any medical help for anxiety. Are you? If not it might be a good idea to see your doctor.