Here I go crying again

I can't stop crying because I keep thinking about how awful I feel mentally. I'm not crawled up in a ball doing nothing. I function well but this horrible feeling and brain that won't shut up. I cleaned, cooked, did laundry, and all that but always thinking about this depersonalization/derealization and terrified of staying stuck like this forever. And honestly I know people say the key is to ignore but you can't ignore because you aren't in control! Your brain is just going. No one understand unless you experienced this. There's no magic pill for depersonalization/derealization for anyone that's going to suggest that. I am on medication for anxiety and if this is because of anxiety than if should go away but half of the time I'm not anxious or I'm anxious because of it. Im exhasted. Over 3 months of this. I am in a nightmare. Waking up every morning for over 3 months wondering if I'm finally out this dream land, feeling like I am not real or anything around me is real when I know better than this. Having weird thoughts about life and existence.... The brain is just trying to trick me. It's so disturbing. I'll take some reassurance right now if someone has any... for the a millionth time!

23 Replies

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  • I understand!!

    We cannot get away from our selves , we are always there !!

    Brain is racing , freaking constantly every day !!!!

    Every pain is a death pain, check my pulse , bp heart beat per min..

    God this is such tourcher !!! Sleep is my only releif , the only time I can for a few hours I do sleep get away from me ...

    I know your pain!!

  • I rather have my eyes closed really. It's just a terrible thing. I feel like a zombie

  • Yes I love being asleep

  • But my sleep has been getting worse , ha ! Yes the only releif I have and now I do not get that much any more... Life you are a son of a b**%# ...

  • When this first started I didn't get sleep for 9 weeks straight. And was wide awake too. I am finally getting sleep with Amitrypline but my dreams feel like thoughts instead of dreams. It's weird

  • I wish my brain was normal ... Freaking out every day is such a drag... I am so sick of feeling like this , every single day !! No days off...

  • Me too. All day. For 3 months now. I am able to function but with a weird brain. Are you on anything?

  • Not at the moment .. I use to take paxil but I did not like it ..

  • I have been going through this for a long time ... since I was a teenager.

  • I went to group meetings for OCD and that helped me and when I was in my 30's I had this under control to a degree but once I hit 40 it came back with a vengeance.. I have panic attacks every day , every single day !!

    I hate it

  • Do you think you're on the right med and the right dose for your anxiety? Have you talked to your doctor about this? Because if you still are having depersonalization and derealization then it seems as if that's worth mentioning to your doctor. That your meds may still need tweaking. That your doctor should know what's happening and then the decision remains with him/her what to do from there.

    I'm sorry to hear that your meds still aren't settled yet. That things are still being worked out. But you're further done than a lot of people and hopefully just a step away from everything being settled.

  • I talked to her about it and she just keeps saying it's anxiety it's anxiety over and over. She told me to up my Amitrypline to 20mg last week but I haven't.

  • you haven't upped your dose as instructed because? 🤔

    i honestly believe their is nothing wrong with our brains but everything wrong with our approach to processing information as presented to us. Who knows, this may be the next phase in evolution that is happening here and simply aren't handling it well because we have a picture of what normal should look like and feel that is what we need to achieve.Some if us have been preprogrammed to believe that if we are not like everyone else, we are wrong or broken and need to be fixed.

    this is why I advise that everyone get used to selftherapy. It is the only way to really understand your particular case, your particular mind, and deal with any and all issues you may have. Medication only helps in adjusting chemical imbalances in your brain but self therapy is the only way to getting the life you want. Carefully and deeply examining your minds content regularly helps you pin point the problem areas, and find best fit Solutions to help you take the reigns over your mind which is the ultimate goal.

  • Because since their is no cure for depersonalization/derealization I kind of have giving up on medication.

  • There is no medical cure but there is a cure and that is selftherapy. Many who have been able to overcome that problem have had to engage the war between their body and mind to gain the.dominant control needed to settle back into their reality.

    The medication is simply given to help you with accomplishing that goal. In fact most all medication used in the treatment of mental illness is designed to aid patients in accomplishing their mental goals; the only cure can come from the patient engaging his/her mind.

    Medication helps counter the measurable chemical imbalances that may be keeping you from effectively engaging your mind and tackling the core problems/fears/worries/disconnects that keep you from enjoying your life.

    psychiatrists/neuropsychiatrists are not magicians or mind readers. You and you alone have the power to win that battle in your head. Doctors give us medication to help us with our battles. Not taking the meds prescribed and then complaining about how you are unable to engage your own mind is sort of ....😐

  • huh ?

  • Oh you're talking to cat ...

  • please go back to your psychiatrist/neuropsychiatrist and tell him all you are telling us now. If he does not help you, then keep.searching until you find an expert that listens to you and is better able to help you.

    There is help out there, however, the mental health community, on the most part, still haven't realized patients want to be more involved to make certain because they don't want to end up like many of those before them .patients want Mental illness treatment that is patient-centric/patient-first. We are humans and want to be treated and seen as humans. If your doctor does not care first about helping you achieve your own goals, then that doctor is not a doctor you should waste another minute of your time with.

    The human brain is the mother board/control board, the core of every person. it is where you as a person reside. If your doctor is more concerned about himself and his practice than he is about seeing and respecting you as another intelligent human like himself, then he is not a doctor for you to spend another dime of your mother on

  • I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. But meds, while they can help a lot, are not an end all fix all either. I take medication for my anxiety, depression and such but therapy is also essential as well as a good support system. You're not alone in this. Please confide in those you love and trust. They're there for you. Just make sure they know you're being 100% serious since it can be difficult for people to understand sometimes. And seek out a good therapist. It can take a few tires to find one that is good and right for you but when you do, you'll know and it'll be worth it. Deep breaths...In and out. You'll be okay. You got this. You're strong and brave.

  • Have a look at Harris Harrington talking about depersonalisation on YouTube, he seems to have good tips.

    Best wishes,

    K.

  • Yes & yes to what Kobojunkie & SayaRock said! The doc needs to know & if she still doesn't do anything for u, please find someone new. And I 100% believe in medicine, but it's also not 100% effective! If ur not in therapy, find someone. It's like ur doctor, u may have to shop around to find someone who truly helps u, but therapy works great for me. I hate to hear ur dealing with all this. Obviously, we all know this mess we all deal with has no "cure", but our symptoms can & should be controlled better than what ur describing, imho. I functioned great (outwardly) for years, even when I felt I was dying inside. Nobody caught on except my hubby, I guess I'm a decent actor. A week ago, I caved. Had to take a week off work on medical leave after a trip to the ER after not sleeping for what felt like a solid two weeks. (I catnapped, no good REM sleep). I can't imagine no good sleep for any longer than that! Now everyone knows I'm "the crazy woman" who had some kind of "mental breakdown". Oh well, at least I feel decent today & getting better daily. You can too, love! Good luck with this & keep us all updated, ok?

  • Hi my answer to that is trying to distract myself from feeling so awful. Do anything you need to break the cycle of depressive thoughts. The more you dwell on something the worse you feel and it becomes a vicious circle. Trying to take your mind off it is exhausting and you may still feel bad but at least you are not concentrating on it so much.

  • I totally get your pain. It sucks. I am in the same boat, though I am not functioning right now, so thats amazing that you are. I know how exhausting it is and it feels so unfair. And the weird thoughts about life- I hear you. I get that too. And its just like whats the point? Like I am here to live and why is it such a struggle? I so many times thought I was free from this but it finds me and its so hard to live this way. I am hoping to be a source of inspiration soon, that I come out of this state, but for now, just know your not alone.

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