How do I help my daughter?

I am a mother of a teenage daughter ( just turned 18) who has struggled with anxiety for several years and she has just recently gone through a very emotional break up with her first boyfriend and it has triggered a huge reaction of anxiety. She has always refused to get help from a professional or anyone outside our family and she hides it from everyone and is furious with me if I say anything to anyone. I feel so sad and helpless watching her struggle and I so want to help her. It is devastating to watch your child spiral into darkness. Does anyone have any advice or ideas on how to get her to accept and receive help?

4 Replies

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  • Hi, so sorry to hear about your daughter. How about showing her this forum and she might like to correspond with other young people on here.

    Good luck, let us know how you get on.

  • Hi raindancer, that's really difficult for you, becos at 18 it has to be her choice to talk to a professional - I wonder, are you in the US? Only ask because most people on this forum seem to be, and over there having therapy is much easier to get. But if you're in UK, I'd start by talking to your own GP, see if they can suggest anything. Does your daughter spend a lot of time online? Because there is a lot of help available from such as the "No panic" website. I would just keep talking to her, gently, try to persuade her that there's absolutely no shame in what she's feeling, (I totally understand her feeling of being scared that people 'find out', I'm still a bit like that!) How about using the Prince Harry thing as an example? - he was having problems BECAUSE he didn't go and talk to anyone, and when he did it really helped with his anxiety. We all have times when we need to talk about our feelings, to a professional. I really feel for you, as it is so hard not to know how to help your child. Lastly, in these days of dodgy internet sites, please make sure she's not sending away for so-called cures, or pills of any description, online - that way is very very tempting nowadays, but is a really BAD idea. Wishing you and your girl all the best, you sound like a great mother, by the way - so don't go blaming yourself, that's what we mums usually do!! x

  • Hi sometimes its best to let her figure it out by herself; my doughter was a lot yunger and she got upset that I was upset.

    They dont like it when we are on their case a lot; try to step back. talk about other thing with her-holidays, fasion all things nice and neutral.

    my doughter was mollested by my ex husbands father-we have both had lots of therapy.

    she still gets depression and is 34 now-she brings things up when SHE wants to. otherwise I get blasted. I know what its like to see your child suffer and struggle.

    The therapy for herself was her dissision-she is still in and out of counseling; she still gets sycosis at times;which I find -no word for this emotion !

    I wish you all the best and MUCH LOVE xxx

  • Bad break ups are normal and a learning experience, but it is her job to figure it out. You putting your slant on it will not help her. Only offer advice if asked for it. Also, try not to let this affect her life in other ways. Your daughter needs to have the same pressures other kids do to succeed, or why should she bother. As for the anxiety, you behaving confidently and showing her that life is not something to be frightened of will be the best medicine. Not to say to criticise her if she feels anxious, but do not feed that behaviour by making a big fuss about it.

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