My first post/New to the community

I have been struggling with anxiety and depression for about 14 years and self-harm and an eating disorder for 8 to 10 years. I have seen people in the past for counseling though I have not in about two years now. There are times I feel I am more capable of managing my bouts of anxiety and depression but other times I feel powerless and unable to overcome it. I recently lapsed from self-harm for my first time in about 2 or 3 years. Though my wounds are not deep, there is no hiding them since it was my face that I harmed. I feel afraid to go out and face the world in fear of people asking me what happened because I don't know how to respond, and I don't know what they will think. I don't know how to forgive myself for my actions or how to make things better. I don't know what to do and that is what brought me here.

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Hi I think you need to get yourself back to the doctors pronto for more treatment. Many people have recurring bouts of depression so don't let this continue any longer without help.

As for your face put a bit of make up on which will help hide it. It's no one else's business what happened but if asked just make something up such as you were scratched by a cat or slipped when holding a bread knife or something. Then just laugh it off if you can.

Years ago I once ran my fingernails down my face making gouges because I felt so ugly and unlovable. Make up covered the worst of it and no one seemed to notice or ask me about it.

One good tip is put an elastic band round your wrist and if you get the urge to cut yourself again twang this instead. Or try and distract yourself by doing the dishes or something. Cutting is a sign that you need to see your doctors. Take care.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

My depression struggles have been continuous, yet sometimes I feel more capable at managing it than others, but recently I just haven't been able to. I keep going through the motions without any relief. I have not thought about self-harm at all in the past 2 or 3 years that I have not. One of the most upsetting things for me about relapsing and hurting my face is that I cannot even remember what brought me to do it in the first place. Makeup doesn't hide them too well, since there are quite a few marks. I keep staring at myself in the mirror feeling regretful at what I have done. I do NOT feel the urge to repeat my actions whatsoever. I am pretty hurt inside over what I did to myself physically.

[Hidden]

Hi I wanted to say welcome to you.

And to let you know I read your post.

I'm fairly new here too.

I hope it helps to write things down here and know you are not alone. That's what I find helpful.

I'm so sorry for your struggles. take heart in the fact that you know you can do so well, try not to be so hard on yourself, so difficult I know.

Do you feel able to speak with your gp and see if there is anything he could suggest. You just never know. I know things are just not easy to do at times. Please seek out the help. We can all have relapses, but it sounds like you do so well.

You deserve some help

I wish you all the very best

Hugs to you 🌺