So for every reason and no reason all of yesterday and today I have been in a constant anxiety. I had an anxiety attack for nearly an hour the day before yesterday, and it seems like I've been triggered by everything and nothing lately. My friends all seem so happy, and I'm trying to be happy, but I'm pretty much dropping off the face of the earth until I can get my shit together. I keep having what seems to be heart palpitations, and I know they are usually harmless but I feel like I'm dying or something, my fingers keep shaking and I haven't been able to catch my breath all morning. Like I said, it is triggered by everything and nothing all at once. Friends. Mean girls. Stupid boys (one in particular who's getting in my head because apparently messing with me is "fun" in a satanic way for him). Family. Grades. The fear of not being enough. And something amazing might happen and I'm afraid I may somehow mess it up. And this came on suddenly, yet totally not suddenly all at once. I feel as if I was always going to just CRACK with how stressful this year has been, and I was expecting it, but yet this sudden (yet not sudden) anxiety has taken me by surprise, and I just want it to stop. I want to tell my best friend everything but she just got back from a great and fantastic trip and I don't want to make things all about myself, so I'm just silently trying to get my shit together so I can hopefully rejoin the living this weekend and hang out with my friends again. It sucks but I guess I'm hanging in there or at least I'm not dead yet or kidnapped by the annunaki (aliens) or anything so yay!
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