I am new here. I am the wife of a man that has depression and anxiety. Today is hard. We have plans this weekend, and as usual when we have plans, the anxiety flares up and he says he doesn't want to go. So I say I will go alone, and he feels like a failure. It is really difficult for me to cancel plans with friends or skip out on show tickets at the last minute. It is a hard situation to be in because he feels like he either has to white-knuckle it and pretend everything is fine and go, or he stays home and feels more depressed and more like a failure because he made me go alone. Anyone else have this struggle or have suggestions on how to help him? His D&A affects me tremendously, but I feel like if I share my struggles with him, the depression and anxiety twists it and makes him feel I am blaming him or unhappy with him. Nothing could be further from the truth. He is the most wonderful man in the world, but this mental illness affects us both. How do I help him know it's not his fault, while still being able to do daily things and keep commitments?