hi i am new on here and i feel like i have no one to talk to

[catlady15]

my parents went thru a divorce in 2015 which affected me in a bad way, i ended up with daddy issues which led to self-issues. I was pretty bad i slept all day i stopped going to school i didnt eat i didnt talk to anyone i just slept and had constant crying spells. My mom finally got me to get a job and i started seeing a therapist which helped me a lot. Lately ive been feeling the same and because of my busy work and school schedule i have no time to see a therapist anymore. Its hard to explain how ive been feeling other than empty. I try to think of how id describe what im feeling and nothing comes to my mind. I know something is wrong with me because i skipped class and i keep wanting to stay home and sleep, i feel like i have no energy for anything. I wish i could vent away everything so i can feel better but i cant think of words and its frustrating. I want to talk to my coworker about it because he knows about what ive been through but the last time we talked he mentioned how much ive grown and how before i was a mess and that i needed help but now im in control and better. So if i open up again he might think im crazy and i really dont want anyone to look down on me. Sometimes i want to be this strong person so i try not to give into depression but sometimes i want to feel that pain from before, to be able to cry and feel something. That must be it, right now i cant feel anything i feel empty and my mind is at a blank, and when im severely depressed i feel pain and sorrow, i feel something. I feel like im constantly fighting with myself as if i have 2 personalities, the strong independent me and the weak dependent me and theyre constantly clashing into each other. I cannot find a median, i was doing so well and i was positive and full of energy and all of a sudden bam i feel like crap and unmotivated and its frustrating because you think youre "cured" but instead its a continuous cycle. Of course i learn a few things about how to cope but it just seems so much easier to give in. Im sorry if this makes no sense i just really needed to talk and ramble because right now i dont feel like i have anyone there for me.

[KKoonz23]

I'm sorry that you're going through this and I'm here to tell you that you're not crazy and this is not normal. I just went through what you're going through. I would highly encourage you that since you cannot see a therapist then maybe you should see your primary care physician. I felt the same way missing class, not going to school because I just could not even bring myself to go. Feeling blank and detached. When I realized something was wrong I went to my doctor and that was when I was diagnosed with MDD. Major Depressive Disorder. It is a severe kind of depression. It is severe because of the lack of motivation and you are unable to do your normal every day routines. What you are describing sounds a lot like this and I had to take medication for it. I know how you feel about a split personality, I also feel this way and have described this. You are strong. It takes a strong person to seek help and recognize when something is wrong. I highly encourage you to go seek a medical professional because you may have MDD and may need treatment for it. I'm glad you have your coworker, and yes you may be a lot better than before but that does not mean that you're "cured." Please let me know what you decide to do. I missed an entire month of school and ended up having to medically withdraw because of my MDD. The first step was recognizing that this was not myself and going and seeking help. If you ever feel like no one understands, you can always come on this support site and I'm sure many of us can help make things more relatable and give advice. I wish you all the best.