Here I sit, feeling so incredibly overwhelmed and alone after having my wisdom teeth pulled last Thursday (April 13), falling behind on my coursework for my schooling, and not having been at work since last Wednesday. Bills will still be due at the same time the rest of the month and into next month, coursework is just adding up since I am in the midst of a research paper, and finals, and my teeth are healing but very slowly due to some complications in my procedure. Enter my depression taking over.
Dealing with depression and anxiety you feel like you are already alone almost every day of your life because most people you talk to don't openly express that they have depression because of the stigma that comes along with it. Well, I am not that person. Everyone that I work with is well aware of my depression and anxiety and I openly share my story. My boyfriend of four years is wonderful, however, he doesn't truly understand depression and how little tiny things add up and become a trigger. This surgery and the delay in my healing process has made me rely on him for quite a bit of things and it makes me feel like a burden thus triggering my depression to come through much more. I felt like I was pretty supported by my co-workers until they have been giving me a hard time because I am still out from "only having my wisdom teeth pulled." My boyfriend received a promotion working in IT and Communication and unfortunately with that came working third shift. This has been his shift since March but he works four ten hour days and on his days off he volunteers one of the days at a local business. Having to ask for his help to do things like letting our big dog out, or taking me to and from the appointments, and even making me food makes me feel terrible. I am trying to make sure that I recover, but I also feel like I am a burden. To take some of the burden away from him I stayed with my parents this past weekend and even than, I felt like I was a burden. Any time that I feel like others have to put their plans on hold for me or that someone is having to do something that I can typically do for myself, I feel as though I am a burden and it typically triggers my depression and anxiety. I begin to feel like they won't want to be around me anymore because I am such a strain on them. But I also feel like my depression is a strain on them as well. Especially my friends that don't deal with depression and anxiety because they don't truly understand what it's like to live each day wondering if something will trigger you. So here I sit, depressed and feeling like all I do is complain about my pain and nobody to talk to because my boyfriend has to sleep during the day for work and when he's awake, I'm asleep. It's nice to be able to post on here and just get the words out, even if they aren't very eloquent. It's just my thoughts, at the moment, and me working through my struggles.