Another question and MASSIVE rant

[Ibanana]

My right knee keeps "giving way" and buckling, just the right. Is this anything to do with bipolar? My bipolar is getting REALLY bad to the point I'm feeling suicidal.

I'm also struggling to eat anything at all yet I eat about a handful of whatever for breakfast and lunch and am forced to eat a proper meal for dinner, my parents won't allow me to not eat.

I feel shit, I've not been manic for more than 2 minutes in the past 4 days and this is killing me.

I have counselling tomorrow at 2:20pm, I'm giving up completely. All the attempts to help me that I should like, I don't. I don't care that my biology teacher is actually, quite literally, acting like how a mum is supposed to act with me in college. I want to care but honestly it makes me sick just thinking about it. I don't hate her, she's the best teacher I've ever had but I CANT TO THIS!

I'm going mad and the help I need is taking too long to come. I've been getting worse since I started thinking I was bipolar in February- it's been 3 months already!

I'm gonna do something stupid, I can feel it coming. I am 100% losing control...

I need something to fully attach to but I don't, the closest thing I'm attached to is my best friend, it's not proper! My parents are supposed to be like rocks to me, I should be able to get everything from them but I get nothing! I hardly have a bond with them at all!

I'm a flipping introverted, rapid cycling, type 1 bipolar sufferer yet NO ONE will flipping medically and officially say "yes" and give me help! NO ONE! Takes 50 billion years to do anything, by then I'll either be dead or locked up somewhere!

I'm sorry if I've offended anyone or killed peoples' good moods, I just need to vent my pain somewhere

[Hidden]

Hi it does sound like your parents don't fully understand but then it's very difficult for others to when they haven't experienced it for themselves. It doesn't mean they love you any the less or don't care about you.

I presume you are still living at home so they are giving you a home and feeding you etc. so maybe they are doing everything they can to help. I don't know whether you have spoken to a doctor or a college counsellor but if you haven't please do so. Insist on being referred for urgent counselling as you sound very unwell. If you feel in danger go to A and E where you will be safe.

I bet it feels better being able to have a good rant and please never apologise for this. It's something we all do from time to time.

[Ibanana in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, I have my counselling today so yeah... 🙃