Anxiety, worrying I will become a homeless person..first post...advice needed please

This is my first post, so hello everyone. I'm 34 and suffer from fairly severe anxiety, I've also got a physical health problem that has stopped me from working as a nurse for over a year.

I met my husband a few years ago when I was a single parent. I'd struggled financially although I managed to rent a house and own a car etc. He'd had a traffic accident and suffered massive injuries- as a nurse this didn't faze me and I was fully prepared to nurture him back to health. Long story short, we got married and he received compensation for his injuries (I won't disclose the amount but it was a lot). His solicitors set up a trust fund- this means his compensation is protected from taxation and the money is technically a 'business account' in a company name. He is the beneficiary of this account so in reality it's a fancy way of protecting his compensation. He bought a house for us to live in and it's owned by the trust I.e it's his house.

Over the last few months I've been getting more and more worried. Hes made it clear to me that everything bought by the trust is his, even the family dog. He's meticulous about putting the bins out and I jokingly said 'Crikey, if you ever divorced me then you'd want custody of the bins!' He replied seriously with 'I have a trust fund so everything would be mine'. I've been quite ill and had surgery twice over the last year but want to return to work by summer. He's adamant that he doesn't want me working and I shouldn't leave him at home on his own all day while I (in his eyes) have fun at work. I tried working last year but he was very moody and moaned constantly.

I feel so vulnerable and my anxiety has spiralled. I have little money of my own- he gives me housekeeping money of which I take a bit out and keep aside in case he kicks me out. He's lovely in so many ways: he's helped my parents financially and he's very attentative towards me. I love him very much and he's now almost back to full health. He does however suffer from mental health issues himself and has brain damage that makes his moods volatile.

We wanted a baby but I'm a bit nervous because he has made it clear that if we separated then he would want custody of the child. I can barely sleep through worry. Even though we get on great I worry that in thirty years time he could kick me out and I'd be a sixty year old lady with nothing! I'd be on the streets! Am I being ridiculous??? He says all he can do is reassure me that he loves me and that'd never happen. Also I fret that I am being unfair or a gold digger- after all it's his compensation and I brought nothing into the marriage. We've been married for four years.

Is my anxiety warranted? Is this a bad situation or am I actually very lucky that I have a husband that has provided me with a roof over my head? I'm confused and anxious. Should I perhaps seek legal advice? My parents think he should give me a lump sum for peace of mind; failing that, they think I should go back to work and get my independence back and to hell with what he says.

I'm so sorry for the long post- I started typing and I couldn't stop. It's nice to get things off my chest. Thank you for reading and any thoughts would be very appreciated- I've never articulated these feelings before so I'm really hoping someone could post their objective opinion.

Kind Regards

2 Replies

  • Hi Tammy! Be encouraged! We share in your sufferings. You got this! First and without a doubt the most important thing I would say to anyone is trust in Jesus. He will guide you through, IF.... you truly trust in Him!

    I think most anyone would agree who has had anxiety issues, is that the anxiety that you feel is negative thoughts and worst case scenario thinking that leads to....FEAR!!! (False Evidence Appearing Real).

    I can't tell you I know exactly what to do. But from reading, it SOUNDS like he really loves you, and you him. I would advise you to MAKE SURE that what you are feeling and perceiving is real and not anxiety!!! Anxiety, is constant stress (and OCD possibly) and in its severe cases is actually a chemical imbalance that overloads your mind and body with constant adrenaline(cortisol) and can deplete seratonin quicker then it can produce it in your brain. It can actually make you think things that aren't real, and leave you helpless to attacks from Satan and his demons. BUT...take heed, Jesus already has the victory!!! Hallelujah!!!

    Also (Look into supplement 5-HTP, and tryptophan, magnesium, and B-vitamin rich foods.)

    I said this to my wife the other day (and nobody likes labels), whom I believe has borderline personality disorder (I have had anxiety and panic).

    Pray that what is real (God's promises), isn't clouded by what you feel(emotions).

    Trust in Jesus, the Great Healer!

    We love you Tammy, let go and let God!

  • Tammy, Hope is not a realistic strategy. Speaking with an attorney is to level the playing field is - to discuss your martial rights. You situation deserves a measured response. In the end we all do risk management in personal relations.

    Why I am very careful about who as a single man I get involved with after going through divorce.

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