Struggling every day

[Sfsadness]

I'm struggling with depression and anxiety for years now. Through many meds and many hospitalizations. It's so hard to keep fighting when im so stressed every day . My stomach is full of pain I struggle to sleep. My husband and I are so distant he tries to love me but at this point I don't even love myself. I don't enjoy life or all of the stress in it. I have a therapist but that helps only so much . The main thing that keeps me going is my 8 year old daughter, I don't want her to grow up without a Mom.

[Kobojunkie]

please go back to your psychiatrist or better yet find you another psychiatrist that understands your suffering and is willing to work with you to get you to where you would rather be.

I bet you know where you would rather your mind be, find a psychiatrist who is willing to work with you to meet that particular goal, not on who just wants to shove meds at you and tell you it works. If the med does not do its job, you ought to let the psychiatrist know and he/she needs to appropriately change your treatment to remove the problem.

please try to save your family. I understand being in a depressed state, we don't always like to do much but try to think of your doctor being happier living with mummy and daddy together forever. Get to your doctor asap.

[Sfsadness in reply to Kobojunkie]

I feel I'm out of options I have tried at least 12 different meds, these doctors don't know what else to do with me, one even said that to my face. I've worked with different therapists too. I just started a new one who I do like she seems very honest and helpful. I just got out of the hospital a week ago and find myself so alone, my husband travels for work so often it's just me and my daughter.

[Sailingmom in reply to Sfsadness]

You have friends, right? Family? Please reach out to them! Tell them what you are feeling and to check in with you. I know it's easier said than done, but promise yourself, your family, friends, and your therapist that you won't do anything you will regret and will permanently damage your daughter. They do need you. Atleast, that's what I try to tell myself. I'm in your shoes right now.

[Kobojunkie in reply to Sfsadness]

you need to keep trying to find the right treatment for you and work with your current, make sure she knows all it is your mind is struggling with or dealing with. Rather than telling her of your family issues and stuff, focus instead on telling her of the state your mind is in and how well the treatment is going and your symptoms. Please take charge and help them get you the treatment you need.

my own psychiatrist is in fact a neuropsychiatrist and so she is able to handle more issues that a mere psychiatrist. If you can find a neuropsychiatrist and start working with that one

[Sailingmom]

Also, A lot of people don't understand depression or mental health. My ex is that way. He would just say "Snap out of it", which made it worse. Family & Friends need to be educated about our mental illnesses. It's not taboo. It's real!

[Sfsadness in reply to Sailingmom]

My husband is/was military and a cop he just thinks tough love is all that he can provide for me now.

I do want to feel better, but I fear my own self. I fear that I cannot handle things anymore. That my daughter would be better off with a mom who could handle things and not give her emotional issues because of all of my hospital times.

[Kobojunkie in reply to Sfsadness]

slowly and steadily people are beginning to take mental illness seriously. With the many cases of soldiers coming back with mental illness, there has been a boost in public awareness and also I'm medical attention paid to it.

that is why i believe the more people start to openly accept they have a problem and it isn't their fault and instead seek help for it, the more research money will begin to go towards helping further tackle this monster and we can eventually beat it, hopefully in out life time.

neuropsychiatry is a field that came up recently with psychiatrists who are more in tune with how the brain and mind works and are better able to help when psychiatrists say they can not do more.

I have a neuropsychiatrist and I am so happy I found her when I did and basically believe she helped me take back my life from depression and all the rest and this is what I wish others, that they can take back their lives and live it as normal as possible.

[Sclarkstone]

Hi. I think we may share some experiences. My parents are military and partner is police so I understand the tough love thing.

I'm on max dosage of meds, tried lots of different ones. Gp also said there's nothing more they can do for me. I see psychologist and do talking therapy.

I don't feel anything but darkness. I'm in no mans land where there's no more help for me.

[Sfsadness in reply to Sclarkstone]

It's so hard to keep going...I feel that I will eventually die by my own hand, there will come a point in my life when I will get access to what I need and end my life.

Living life in a darkness is not living at all it's simply existing, no love for life, there's nothing

[hope4me63 in reply to Sfsadness]

I am praying for you. Please cling to the love you have for your daughter. Don't stop trying. You came on here for a reason. ...... there are people here who understand. And if being hospitalized is what it takes for you to stay alive, then it is a good thing. I have been in 2 different psych wards. I promised my boys I would go there as a last resort if I felt suicidal. There is no shame in it! God bless you!

[Sfsadness in reply to hope4me63]

Thank you for your prayers. Yes I do care for her greatly. My efforts each day are tremendous It's amazing how I can keep going. The struggle is real. I get up every morning care for her, go to work, and keep going.

[Sclarkstone in reply to Sfsadness]

I understand. Yet I've woken up this morning and I'm still here. It amazes me how long we can hold on for even in the darkness. One day at a time.what are your plans for today? I always think just getting up and dressed is a huge achievement.

[Sfsadness in reply to Sclarkstone]

Yes it is overwhelming but we just go one day at a time. My plans today are to get ready and go to work , pick my daughter up and head home. Long days at work though but it keeps me busy.