Alone/depressed/frustrated. HELP plz

[kris2017]

Hi iam 30 mother of 1. Used to be a fun sweet caring person but now i dont know who iam but i would lk to b that again bc keep inside i know its there. Few years ago something major happen to me that put my self esteem down. At this point in my life i dont know whats my purpose in this life, i dont know who iam anymore, i should know what i want carea wise but nope i dont instead iam working pay check to pay check. I feel lk i hvent accomplished anything in my life. Iam a good mom but this point i feel iam not bc the way i express myself even though i do everything for her all by myself. Iam greatfull and lucky i wake up everyday bc i think life its beautiful but i dont know y iam so affraid to go and live and experience life. My social life is pretty much does not exit. My friends complain about my attitude(they say the way i express with anger and hv an attitude problem) now so i stay in my corner and shut down and put up this wall as a though person bc they dont know wht iam going throw so i feel lk i hv no one. I work, go home and do things with my daughter thats the only 2 things keep me going. Cant stay asleep at night.. I hv lk this anger attitude when i talk dont know y and it comes out the wrong way which i dont mean to. I want to hang out with people but somehow i feel lk iam ashamed or scare to dont know wht to say. Sometimes when iam at home feel lk iam in this big castle with so many doors yet i cant get out i feel trap and i feel so alone. I pray everynight for angels to protect my daughter for her to b happy heathy bc she is a gift from them, pray to find myself+purpose, be healthy, my family +friends. I dont lk this person that iam today and i dont know how to fix it but i know i do need HElp

[chloehodson8112]

dont shut yourself down doing that will effect you and your child i have days where i seclude myself and dont talk to people for months on end but it is a good idea to talk to someone you trust and vent your issues and stresses it will feel like a massive weight has been lifted of your shoulders

[kris2017 in reply to chloehodson8112]

Tk u chloe really appreciate i do try but its so hard bc i dont feel co fortable enough to do so. And one person i could vent is going throw some issues of her own. But iam going to keep trying

[Ruthie2]

Hello Kris, Sounds like you really need to go see someone. If you can't afford it, talk with a minister of a church and they often have a sliding scale type of counseling where you pay what you can afford. You say, the people you talk to may have issues themselves...well, let me tell you, some of the best counselors are those that have been through a lot of crap themselves. They can empathize with you and feel and appreciate how you feel. As far as your anger, which is internalized depression by the way; it's a nasty emotion and will get you in more trouble than it;s worth. I used to have a severe anger problem and would lash out quick and fast. I hated that about myself. I'm a senior now, and over the years, if someone or some incident ticks me off I wait 24 hours before I bring up the issue with the person I'm upset with. Believe me it works! Identify, if you can, what is making you angry and address it LATER. Bottom line, Stop the anger cycle. You can do it with practice. When you do talk to that person after 24 hours, start your sentence with something like, "You know, yesterday my feelings were hurt when the mention of my not being available to you was brought up. I felt hurt and I was wondering if I didn't understand what you were trying to tell me." You'll get a lot further with that. I, too, have lived paycheck to paycheck. You have a precious child, and believe me, children learn anger and certain behaviors from their parents or parent as in your case. My father was always angry and I picked it up first hand. Take day by day, that's all we have. Do you have a friend that you can call occasionally and go to a free event somewhere. Take your friend and your child on a nice walk, or go to a petting zoo, or pack a lunch and put a blanket on the ground with your child. She/he will love it!! Kris, try each day to be grateful and don't give up. There is always tomorrow. I don't know if you are religious or not, but, I was hospitalized in August, and almost died. My friend brought me a book in the hospital called, Jesus calling (enjoying peace in his presence). by Sarah Young. It has a lot of devotions that will help you each day. I think you'll find it comforting. It's a 365 day devotional and it does give me hope, guidance, and PEACE. How old are you by the way?? I have found that as I got older, the stuff that used to upset me terribly, or hurt me are insignificant to me now. As you get older, you really realized your time on earth is limited and you just don't sweat the small stuff as much. I did not mean to rattle on so much, but years ago, i was YOU! Your friends are only trying to help you, but many people don't like being around someone who is negative most of the time. What's happening is that they are probably frustrated with themselves, in that they feel they can't help you. Only you can help you. Go get some counseling, and be gentle with yourself. Seek help, and enjoy your child. In time, you will develop meaningful relationships with people who really care, either through a church, a sewing group, a games nights with friends, SEARCH, SEEK, and BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF. That's enough on my end:))) I wish you the best. I know you can do this!!!! I know you can. Ruthie222

[kris2017]

Tk u ruthie very good infos. Iam 35 years old and i wasnt lk this 8-9 years ago. I will try to find a minister since i cant afford a counseler. Not sure whats the root of my problem but i do want to find out so i can resolve it. The person that i could talk to doesnt hv the same issues she just lost someone thats y i dont want to bother her with my stuff right now. I definitely want to work on my anger bc i dont lk it and the last thing i want is for my child to pick it up from me. Maybe i will talk to my doc and see if he can recomend someone to talk to aswell. When it come to my friends i do understant where they coming from especially been around a negative person( they dont know whts happening to me) just dont kniw how to deal with it but i will try the 24h response and figure out how to open up more lk u said i hv to help myself. Everyday when i wake up and go to bed i tk god bc so many dont hv that chance. iam gratefull to be alive ,i want to live, enjoy life , sleep full night, be the best mom and person that i can be and i want to be a positive role model for my child its just a matter of getting there and iam trying to take day by day. When it comes to my child i do whatever i hv to do to mk her smile but i hate when my mood changes and i feel lk i cant control it and i just cry and thats wht y i really want to change. i do different things with her weather its going to a mini beach park, or a pool, movies... its her time and i do enjoy that bc makes me happy to see her smile. She is an amazing kid. I dont know wht i did to deserve her but i would lk to think that theres hope for me :). Tk u for the book i do believe in god iam going to find it and read it. Love to read by the way, craft++ and going to try to do different activities with people and not seclude myself.

I hope and wish you are feeling better now. Thank you so much u really gave me good advices and i do appreciate very much, kris