Help me please

[4leesa]

Why can't I be alone without falling apart?

I push away everybody that loves me...I don't mean to.

[gogogirl]

I have been there. Anyway, you are not alone. I understand that it can be a crumby feeling though.

[BonnieSue]

I'm not sure why you do that. Are you maybe unsure whether you'll hurt them in some way?

[BlueRobin45]

Hi,

It could possibly be abandonment issues? You fear that people are eventually going to abandon you so you push them away before you have the chance, just an educated guess.

[4leesa in reply to BlueRobin45]

You are right on...I am so scared that EVERYBODY is gonna leave me.

[BlueRobin45 in reply to 4leesa]

I think that is a fear that a lot of people have, I've experienced thoughts like that and asked myself if I could cope if everyone left and I'm completely on my own, it is a very scary thought. However being alone and loneliness are two different feelings. Loneliness is when you feel like no one else understands what you're going through which can make you feel very isolated. We understand what you're going through and maybe try to reach out to your friends and family and talk about feeling lonely, you might find they feel exactly the same way as well. There is also a video on YouTube by the school of life about loneliness which I think might be helpful, so I would recommend you check it out. The important thing to remember is that you are not alone, a lot of people feel the same way as you do, they are just not in your immediate circle or they are and they just haven't dared talking about it.

[4leesa in reply to BlueRobin45]

Thank You....My immediate family though are ALL gone. 1 every year for 7 years.

[BlueRobin45 in reply to 4leesa]

I am so sorry to hear about your losses, it must be very traumatic and will only exacerbate your fears. Is there anyone that you spend time with and feel comfortable talking about your emotions with?

[starboy]

Hello! You are not alone in this type of behavior. I, myself, have a tendency to make people leave when on my own two feet- I can't stand it. Loneliness and fear are very hard things but I promise it'll get better, yeah? Don't be afraid to talk to people and open yourself up; you deserve people in your life to listen!

[4leesa in reply to starboy]

I wish they would try to understand me and how scared I am. I feel so alone...( My biggest fear)

[gogogirl in reply to 4leesa]

As we get older and experience changes, lonliness can be hard. It sounds like you have people who love you, but you are withdrawing out of fear? I hope you find a therapist who really understands, but I am finding out through this site that actually seeing posts or experiencing dialogue is really helpful as there are other people out there who have experienced the same types of issues albeit in different ways. I also understand that NAMI has support groups in different areas.

[Ah1232]

I have been told that I am codependent. I have the same behaviors. There is a group called Coda. You might be interested. It's a support group.

[4leesa in reply to Ah1232]

Thank you....I will check it out.

[Ah1232 in reply to 4leesa]

Your welcome. I am glad u are going to. Are u getting any therapy? It helps to talk through each relationship. My family was dysfunctional when I was around a teenager age. I lost my dad to cancer at this age. This affected me greatly. So trauma can be something also that can make us very anxious as well about our relationships. My therapist did say it is possible for me to have healthy relationships. At this time a am working on myself which therapy is helping with. I hope this helps.

[4leesa in reply to Ah1232]

It really helps to know that somebody else knows what I'm feeling. I am trying to find a therapist.

I have to say ...at this point, I don't know what a healthy relationship is. I have a call....MAYBE IT'S HELP...THANKS FOR LISTENING.

[Ah1232 in reply to 4leesa]

I don't know what a healthy relationship is either. Take it step by step with a therapist.

[4leesa in reply to Ah1232]

Yeah....I will...you have managed to pull a smile out of me this morning..thanks

[Ah1232]

Awww that makes me smile.

[Ah1232]

I'm glad we are talking because I am treading the waters u could say and learning too. A big one is boundaries. In therapy and this group u will learn about boundaries. I plan on going back to this group. You can get a sponsor it's a twelve step program. I am on step 4 but the sponsor I have now is needing help herself so she has been calling me for rides and a month ago she kept wanting my medication for anxiety. I told her I don't feel comfortable doing that anymore... boundary... then she said I am glad u took up for yourself... that is messed up being she is supposed to be a safe person.

[4leesa in reply to Ah1232]

Yeah...I could learn some boundaries....lol

[Ah1232]

Just so u know I am a female that is 43. I am single mom. I am a safe person u can talk to. I plan on posting my pic. I was scammed on the internet. You have to be careful.

[4leesa in reply to Ah1232]

I am a single mom too....kinda...My boys are now 28 and 25.....The oldest is getting married and the youngest is expecting his first child....I should be the happiest woman in the world.

If you're brave enough to post your pic maybe I can too.

[Ah1232]

Lol ok.... I haven't been on this site long. My older son is 19 and I have a son that is 11.

[Ah1232 in reply to Ah1232]

You said u should be... you are OK just where u are. You kids love u for you. That's the truth.

[Kdkbol2005]

4leesa I feel the same way. I feel like I don't deserve people to love me because I do have abadament issues so I push people I love away. And sometimes it can be tough when you can be in a room full of people who love you and you can still feel like the loneliest person in the world. But try to remind yourself you are valuable and they do love you and believe it or not your loved ones are not going anywhere even though you may push.