I think the majority of my anxiety is induced by this. I was in a a very serious relationship for 2 years and he walked out on me one day without so much as a word. We were living together and he just never came home one day; never heard from him again. Never even came back to move his stuff out. And yes, he's still alive. He's now dating someone I know about 2 miles from where I live. That being said, it did a number on me. It's been a year and a half and I'm finally on the better side of that and am ready to get back out there.
But recently, with my next birthday approaching in a couple of weeks (I'll be turning 28) I've begun to get these awful anxiety attacks that are crippling and downright debilitating at times. I fear that I waited too long to move on from my last relationship (though I really did need a healthy amount of time to get beyond all of that), and that if I don't find someone soon, I will lose my chance at having children. Reproductive cancers are prevalent in my family at a young age, so that, on top of the constant reminders from societal and biological pressures about how important it is to try to have kids before you're 35 (statistically speaking, healthy pregnancies seem to plummet after 35..if anyone can disprove this feel free, you'll be my hero), doesn't offer a whole lot of time for me considering I'm not even dating someone as of right now.
If it weren't for children, I would not feel so much pressure to find someone. I am very independent and happy to be on my own. I have a great job and am focused on my career and working on a masters degree. I'm comfortable with who I am and for the most part, have my life pretty well put together. But I'm terrified of not being able to be a mother. Friends and family are starting to ask, and without even an ounce of empathy I get a lot of, "well you can always adopt". I'm all for adoption, but I have that indescribable "need" to carry my own children and share that with someone that I love. So the insensitive "well you can always adopt" remark, only feeds my anxiety. I don't want to rush into anything, I want it to happen naturally. I'm skeptical of online dating, though I have tried it; it all just seems so forced, not to mention, kind of expensive. But it's hard to just "let it happen" with all of this unwanted pressure. I'm ready to have a family, and we were really settling down in my last relationship. But I want it to be right and I don't want to become desperate due to my anxieties.
How do I deal with this?? It's like everyone around me at my age or younger is either married, getting married, or having babies. It's crippling me and my ability to function in day to day life now and I don't know how to overcome this.
Also, as a sidebar, please don't suggest egg freezing. While that's a wonderful and welcomed alternative, it's incredibly expensive and of course not covered by insurance, so it's not an option for me anytime soon.
Thank y'all for any support and I look forward to talking with anyone who can relate to this awful feeling.