Admitting I am depressed, now what.

[Jewelweck]

Hello everyone. I am finally admitting I am depressed. I've known for a while, but denial is strong and I'm a 'push through' type, so it was easy to pretend I was/am ok. Now that I admit it I don't know what to do about it. I don't have ins coverage for mental health issues and I can't afford out-of-pocket coverage for a therapist. I don't have a general physician and have begun with a new gynecologist who I don't think is the best type of doctor to turn to about this topic anyway. Leaving me with little idea how to proceed.

I am feeling defeated and overwhelmed by my very heavy work load, with little support there either. Conversely, my life is working out, I recently divorced (my choice- and glad of it), amicably and we are better friends now. My adult children are well and accepted the divorce easily. I'm dating a nice guy, I love my apartment and I should be happy.

But I am not happy, I'm irritated by every little thing, I snap at my co-workers, I dread going to work but I make it in. I feel like I'm wearing a lead suit, moving in slow motion, disinterested in doing anything I usually like to do. I hate being around people. I hate myself.

I'm not suicidal but I think about dying all the time. I live in a high rise, on the 9th floor and I wonder what it would be like to jump. How far I could get away from the building, etc. I don't want to die, but I think about it all the time.

[Gmomt]

I completely understand - I just started on Prozac for depression and I'm still dealing with a lot of anxiety - you should be proud of yourself for realizing you aren't yourself and need help - that was the hardest part for me! I don't have any advice as far as what to do about getting medicine since you don't have the insurance to cover it but I know exercise helps (however that's hard to do when you don't want to do anything). Sending hugs and prayers your way!