I feel a huge void in me

[mist7777]

Hi, i been depressed off and on with bad anxiety.it seems like its getting worse. I am having thougts of endinv it because the pain is overqhelming at times. Its hard for me to keep a job due to my mood swings.i drink to numb myself, but its backfiring with me acting foolish.im sick of getting on fb and seeing ppl happy.i barely leave my place and my relarionship is bad with my bf.i feel trapped. I come from a dysfuntional family.i keep having negative thoughts in my head like ocd.plz advise. .i dont have insurance and ive been committed. To a pscy ward but got billed.

[Lyssakate]

Hello,

I have a story very similar to yours, replacing drinking with pills. I have 5 years recovery now, and I think I can help.

I promise you, you are not alone. And as impossible as it feels now, it will get better and it's worth sticking around to see it when it does.

My first tip is a hard one. It's really hard. Stop using any social media that makes you feel bad more often than not. Don't even take the time to disable your FB account - just stop going there. Any friends or family you want to talk to can call or text, and most people will be impressed if you say you're taking a break from social media. The first couple days will be hard, but it's important to stop comparing your life and success to others. Remember that people only post things that fit the narrative they want others to see - basically, they only show the good times.

The second tip is a must, and it will be even harder. Stop drinking completely. Ask your partner if they can support you by limiting their drinking around you too. When you're depressed and overwhelmed and need an escape, find a mental escape instead. For me, it's video games and YouTube. For other people, it's taking a walk or working out. Whatever it is, give yourself a time limit and escape for a bit. (I can freak out, be scared and sad and go for distraction for 30 minutes. Then I will come back calm and ready to do this!) Over time as you learn other coping techniques (DBT, breathing exercises, etc.) You'll need less and less time to escape, but right now the most important thing is to stop using the drinking as a coping mechanism.

Let your partner know you need some time to work out some personal things, and see if you can get some space (even just mental/emotional space if you live together) to work some things out.

Now, get a pen and paper or a laptop and curl up somewhere.

Imagine your perfect life. In mine, I am a successful career woman. I run my household and work without breaking a sweat. My relationship is happy and healthy. I am dependable and trustworthy. I am happy most days, busy but not stressed.

Now, how to get there.

Once you've written your goals and dreams down, break it down into manageable chunks. For me, I used to be really far from that goal. Depression had ruined my attitude towards my looks and hygiene. I didn't cook anymore. I slept a lot.

So my first goal was just getting on a schedule. Sleeping 8 hours at the same time each night. Showering every other day. Brushing my teeth twice a day. Eating 3 square meals a day I at least partially cooked/prepared, with healthy snacks between. Drinking lots of water.

If I can do all that in a day, I'm doing good! I'm doing great, actually. And I have a cause for celebration, because I'm one step closer to my dream. I am not a failure. I am deserving of love and respect. Life is worth living. And I promise you that if you give yourself small, appropriate tasks that you know you can accomplish, you'll start to feel better. You can add more as you go along - Go on date nights once a week, keep up on your share of housework, etc. Etc. And finally build up to achieving your biggest dream, like finishing school or finding your dream job.

What do you think? Can you give yourself a break and start celebrating the small stuff? Start building a stairway out of the pit of depression one step at a time? I can tell you that you can do it, because your first step was reaching out on here.

I hope you made it this far. If you ever want to chat, I'm here. I'm studying to be a peer counselor and I think I can help.

-Kate

[mist7777 in reply to Lyssakate]

Thank you for your advice! I will try some of your tips.