I am 23 years old, and I have been struggling with anxiety ever since I can remember. I definitely struggle with depression also, but mostly anxiety has controlled me for years now. Some weeks are better than others. I've reached out for help on multiple occasions, but it usually only lasts so long before I self destruct and ruin any progress that had been made. Ultimately making me feel hopeless, and afraid to reach out for help again because I always just end up being a huge disappointment..... i am now finding that I am relying more and more on drugs and alcohol to calm my nerves. I would like to consider myself a social butterfly, but my anxiety is actually starting to affect my relationships negatively because without drinking and a little pick me up, I don't want to socialize. It oftens becomes too overwhelming, and even nights that I say I'm not going to drink I end up drinking because I can only handle the stress and anxiety Of a large crowd for so long. Anyway. Alcohol has now become the enemy, and often creates unnecessary stress on top of the every day anxious thoughts.... and it's becoming a vicious cycle. I can't stop. AA is a wonderful resource, and I've tried it before, but it hasn't worked in the past because when I sit in a room full of people I don't know, I end up wanting to crawl out of my skin.... they're all so nice, but I hate meeting new people.... it sends me straight into a panic attack and after so long I feel worse than before because I isolate to stay sober, but always eventually end up drinking again because I usually become very lonely and will sit in my room for days having anxiety attacks and taking sleeping pills to force myself to sleep at night so I can escape the misery, even when I'm not tired. This is getting very old. Suicide doesn't seem like an option, I still have hope that one day I'll get better. But that hope is slowly dwindling. I ultimately feel that if I don't get help soon I will eventually self destruct to the point of no return, and I fear I will lose control of my self, and ending it all might seem like the only option to escape the constant feeling of regret and disappointment. Ughhhh. I am afraid mental health issues are going to kill me...... I'm afraid one day I will lose this battle against myself.... im not getting any younger, and I'd really like to get help sooner than than later. every time I go to the doctor I am prescribed antidepressants, and they arent helping. And I'm tired of trying to explain the severity of my anxiety, and feeling like no one is actually listening to how miserable I am each day. So yeah. That's my life in a nutshell, I'm living a very exhausting life, and I don't know what to do anymore, so here I am. any suggestions?!? Thank you for reading.