Finally seeking help

I'm Ben,

I've struggled with anxiety and depression my entire life. I often feel guilty, left behind and/or worthless. This summer I started abusing alcohol after being turned down for several jobs I wanted badly. I found myself stuck in an extremely stressful, somewhat dangerous job that took a huge mental toll on me, but I didn't talk to anyone about it like I should have because I wrongly felt alone. Around November I was finally able to confess to my long time girlfriend that I had developed a drinking problem. I stopped drinking (except occasional beer or wine) and thought I was fine. But eventually I had a mental breakdown and for a while couldn't function normally anymore. It got so bad that I thought I was going to take my own life. Thankfully I finally reached to a friend and she called the police to come and check on me. Standing in front of the police officers and sobbing isn't a very dignified thing, but I'm glad it happened. I was in a damaged mental state for a while after that and found myself getting emotional all the time. This Friday I went out to the store just for something to do and saw several groups of friends out getting alcohol and having a great time with one another. I felt so alone and angry that I relasped and bought a cheap pint of vodka drove home and consumed it. I later woke up without memory of what I did after that but found vomit on my clothes on the floor and my girlfriend asleep in the other room. I felt like the lowest piece of trash until this morning. I finally fully accepted that I'm really sick and need help. I want to get better and be the person I know I can be and repair the damage I've done in my relationship. I know I'm not a terrible person, I just need help.

1 Reply

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  • Good for you that you've come to realize you need help. But are you really ready to reach as far as you need to? Have you attended an AA meeting today? If you haven't attended one by the time your head hits the pillow tonight to go to sleep, I challenge you that you haven't really made the decision to get help and change your life around. Because you must know that your addiction to alcohol is the major reason for your difficulties and your wounded relationships.

    You can address your problems with anxiety and depression at the same time you address your alcohol addiction. They all interweave and aggravate each other. Have you thought about getting a check-up at the doctor's office? There you could talk about your depression and anxiety and either get treated or get referred to a psychiatrist. I recommend you tell any doctor about your alcoholism so you aren't prescribed the wrong drug that exacerbates your body's current condition.

    And lastly, you need a counselor. With AA you get a sponsor but this isn't a trained counselor and the job and knowledge simply isn't the same. Both, however, will help you progress into a much better place and it'll go faster with both people covering their particular areas of your needs. Please take these recommendations seriously as they are standard for your problems. I'm not just making these up. I hope all goes well for you and you get the help you need so that the real you shines through and we see how wonderful you really are meant to be.

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