I've struggled with anxiety and depression my entire life. I often feel guilty, left behind and/or worthless. This summer I started abusing alcohol after being turned down for several jobs I wanted badly. I found myself stuck in an extremely stressful, somewhat dangerous job that took a huge mental toll on me, but I didn't talk to anyone about it like I should have because I wrongly felt alone. Around November I was finally able to confess to my long time girlfriend that I had developed a drinking problem. I stopped drinking (except occasional beer or wine) and thought I was fine. But eventually I had a mental breakdown and for a while couldn't function normally anymore. It got so bad that I thought I was going to take my own life. Thankfully I finally reached to a friend and she called the police to come and check on me. Standing in front of the police officers and sobbing isn't a very dignified thing, but I'm glad it happened. I was in a damaged mental state for a while after that and found myself getting emotional all the time. This Friday I went out to the store just for something to do and saw several groups of friends out getting alcohol and having a great time with one another. I felt so alone and angry that I relasped and bought a cheap pint of vodka drove home and consumed it. I later woke up without memory of what I did after that but found vomit on my clothes on the floor and my girlfriend asleep in the other room. I felt like the lowest piece of trash until this morning. I finally fully accepted that I'm really sick and need help. I want to get better and be the person I know I can be and repair the damage I've done in my relationship. I know I'm not a terrible person, I just need help.