Will I ever make it OUT of this situation?

[smalleyrebecca07]

I was in an automobile accident 22 years ago. I was 26 and 8 months pregnant. I suffered an early delivery of my healthy daughter she has an older brother and sister. There are so many disturbing details of my depressive anxiety diagnosis! I do not have any issues with self medicating, NO ADDICTIONS! I have really been having a tough time lately as I am 49 and living with an 87 year old stranger (a man)! My mother, brother and (children) young adults, Son 32, Daughter 28 and Daughter 22, do not know HOW to help. They do not understand anxiety or depression! Unless one has experienced these disorders they haven't a clue. Up until about 5 years ago it was not as bad as it is now. I feel so helpless. I do not want to die but I do not know how to live.

I see a therapist and I am on anti- depressants and have been for all of these years! What else can I do? I am asking for any suggestions that can be useful to me in my circumstance.

My doctors say that this condition can be "managed" I am trying, hints would be GREATLY appreciated!

[BonnieSue]

The hardest thing to help you with is the mysterious stranger in your life. How much do you know about why you're living with an 87 yr-old stranger? Because I'm totally in the dark about this. What does your counselor say about this situation? What can you change about it to make life better for you?

I totally understand how your children can't empathize with your depression and anxiety. They have to have been there to do that. You can come here to find people like you and me who know the misery of depression and anxiety. Both can make you feel isolated and lonely if you let them. And you're the only adult anywhere near your age in your household. Do you have any friends your age? That would help a lot. You need friends and the chance to do things with people your age or anywhere near, the chance to laugh and share life with.

I also wonder if your meds don't need some tweaking to get them fully doing their job. Your depression can be both physiological and situational. I've addressed the situational within your household and friendships and now the physiological with your meds. Talk to your prescribing Dr. and see if your meds might need adjusting to help you feel less depressed. From time to time we have to have these dosage changes. We also can get used to our antidepressants and need change.

Get back to me if you will about the 87 yr-old. And please take care of you.

[smalleyrebecca07 in reply to BonnieSue]

I had no where to go after my mother threw me in jail. This is the way she deals with situations that she can not "make better." It is not the first time she has behaved in this manner. I answered an ad in a local paper. This ad was placed by this retired 87 yr. old man who is also a marine veteran. He is of NO danger to me as he is nearly 88 and is unable to harm me. In fact, he has helped me by buying me a car (I am paying him back). I am sure you can imagine how boring it is to stay cooped up in this house. I need to find something to do to occupy my time. I am grateful for the roof over my head, but as you said, I need to find friends that are my own age.

I went to see my medicine doctor today. She adjusted my medication, again. I am trying to be patient and I understand that my mental condition is holding me back. I have not worked since 2008 (SSDI), I do not want to end up on the streets.

That fear has me believing that I am DOOMED. I have been totally helpless for most of my life, depending on others to "take care" of me! Perhaps this is why my mother is unsympathetic to my situation. She has substance abuse issues and denies them, blaming me for her "drinking" and pot smoking behavior that she has displayed as far back as I can remember.

I do not want to die, but I do not know how to live! When this "stranger" passes I will be in a position that I do not want to be in (homeless). I find this fear as disabling as my 22+ year old Traumatic Brain Injury. I can not even find a position volunteering due to my fears. How am I supposed to live? If not for this "stranger" I would be on the street.

[BonnieSue in reply to smalleyrebecca07]

It seems your fears are possibly anxiety related. Have you discussed this with your prescribing doctor? They sound severe enough to require medication because you say they are preventing you from working and even volunteering. You probably know you have got to reduce those fears to go forward with any kind of job experience whether it's volunteering or paid. And of course you need to get out of the house and do things with other people. You've got the transportation; now you need to get rid of the fear barrier.

Is your brain injury the cause of your disability and how does it limit your job capabilities? We have to be realistic about that. It's too late to try to get treatment at a concussion center. That ended at 2 years after the injury. I'm glad you have the help of this stranger and you don't feel threatened in any way.

How can your mother have you thrown in jail? That's a real puzzle to me. It seems there must be something she used to convince authorities to do it. She sounds very toxic for you. You are probably safer and better off without her around you. I know that that's easier said maybe than done. But it's worth thinking about if you don't want to land in jail again.

Do your children work? Can you live with one of them when the older man passes away? That's the logical choice. They are all old enough to be on their own and self supporting. I'm puzzled that they are all living with you and you're worried that you'll be homeless when the stranger passes. That sounds like they'll be homeless, too. What's going on with them? They don't have to understand your illnesses to support you. They just have to accept that you need them.

Thanks for getting back to me and I hope you do it again and answer more of my questions. Take care...