I am 55 years old and have suffered from depression and general anxiety since age 17. (I was a happy child until age 12, then I began to change, and five years later the depression was fully in place.) For many years I avoided seeking help but finally saw a psychiatrist twenty-two years ago. Since that time, I have received every form of treatment: multiple types of SSRI and SNRI, with and without adjuncts; MAOIs and Tricyclics; Electro-Convulsive Therapy; various forms of talk therapy (including CBT). I have also tried dietary supplements, acupuncture, and hypnosis - all to no avail. Most recently I underwent multiple Ketamine infusions - again with no response.
In the past, people have suggested things like exercise, cutting out caffeine, breathing exercises, trauma releasing exercises. I have read dozens of books, visited dozens of websites, read hundreds of articles and papers on theories and treatments of depression. After twenty-two years I am no better off; I may even be slightly worse. Sorry if this sounds harsh but while I appreciate people showing well-intentioned sympathy, it doesn’t help. I’m looking for some practical means to reduce the pain.
Depression and anxiety have ruined my life. I am driven by an overwhelming urge to isolate myself. I fight it as hard as I can but it wins. I hate being this way. I don’t want to die but I don’t know how much longer I can keep going. If you know of any treatment that might help, please let me know. Thank you for taking the time to read this.