Holidays

Hello, this is my first post What are some positive ideas to get through the holidays without our family and loved ones? Not enjoying the frequent pain and tears. There is no reason to celebrate.

I'm no longer as young and energetic as years past. My parents have both passed away, my children and grandchildren have made other plans and will not be visiting again this year. Their plans haven't included me in some time. I am unable to travel at this time due to illness. They can't seem to grasp the concept of strokes, heart attacks, vascular issues or any other diseases that make me weak. To them I should be the same strong mother that always tried to fix others problems and keep the family together, but I'm not any longer. Wishing I didn't inherit my problems doesn't make them go away. I'm following drs instructions and exercises. My children have made me feel like a failure and a stranger. Not sure how to handle my pain. My mother always had a way to redirect my pain and make me laugh, but those days are long gone. I miss you mom.

Sal's 2 children don't like me either especially Brienne. I cared so much for her but she recently showed her true colors. On Her fathers birthday she told me I am a drama queen, not really sick, and have ruined her fathers life. Due to me, he is now a fool. I should do things for myself and not ask her dad for any kind of help. It bothers her badly that he makes me coffee, turns the fan on or off if I ask him too, and that he carried my purse when I felt weak. In my eyes that is not a foolish man but the man I love and who loves me and would do anything for his wife. I would do the same for him without a blink of an eye. I had know idea how insensitive she is. I'm not sure how Sean really feels about me but I have never felt welcome or warmth in his presence.

Im not really sure how I go on day by day. But I do believe in an afterlife whatever it may be, so I try to believe thinking of the alternative to this sad existence is wrong and probably worse. But I still wonder why I was born as I have no purpose in life. Mom should have never taken the medication to stop the miscarriage.

I'm feeling so sad, depressed and so unloved. I thought I could shake it I feel so blue I haven't decorated or planned anything.

I Will not be a burden or beg for attention anymore from anyone. Love and caring should be a natural occurrence but somehow it's not when it comes to me. I've been told I say and do everything wrong. I'm just not good enough for anyone to love.

We come from a large family who were always in each other's business and faces! Holidays were loud and crazy and fun. I miss that so much. The silence I'm experiencing is devastating. I have to much time to think why and what could I have done.

My husband is very quiet and doesn't want to hear me...I know that, but sometimes I can't help pouring my feelings and heart out. He is the only one around.

And when I talk to my dogs....no answers, they just want their belly rubbed! Lol thank God I have them.

I take too many medications to add antidepressants to the list. I've tried them and they didn't work for me, nothing does. Wish life wasn't so cruel and didn't have to change.

I needed to share my thoughts but have no one who understands or wants to listen. I hope no one else on this planet is feeling the pain I feel during one of the most wonderful Holiday seasons.

4 Replies

oldestnewest
  • Do you belong to a church? If you have trouble getting to a church, many of them have vans to fetch members unable to move on their own. There can be a community there who will love and support you there.

    I'm so sorry for the difficulty you're going through during this holiday season. You may already know it, but Jesus Christ is listening to you and loves you. I am learning to know that so if you have advice for me on how to believe that He does, I'll take it.

    This community online should be a good one to draw support. I just joined this morning, but there's so many stories, I try to focus on the successful ones. Please say a prayer for me and I will say one for you.

  • Thank you. So much happening all at once it feels overwhelming.

  • How sad that your family can't appreciate you! They are the ones missing out! It's our culture these days that doesn't value an older person or one with health problems instead of seeing all the life experience and knowledge that you have. They are missing out on knowing you and hearing about all the things you know about and that you have seen and lived through. It's shameful the way your family is treating you.

    Of course you deserve to be treated with dignity and listened to with interest. You are important and your health problems are real and to be respected. Your relatives (including those by marriage) sound like shallow narcissistic nobodies who can't think clearly and are missing out on knowing you better and learning from you about all you've experienced in your life, illnesses included. They sound like they have no respect for your illnesses and brush you aside along with them instead of seeing the human being that is present despite your illnesses. If they dismiss your illnesses, then they don't have to care about you or help you in any way. The illnesses aren't real and require no effort from them. See how easily they just excused themselves from being useful? From helping you in any way? How very convenient for them!

    I say why let them ruin your holidays? Don't take their attitude and make it yours. You choose what attitude you would like for yourself and adopt it for yourself. Do what you need to to enjoy these holidays for yourself. I know it hurts that you don't have their support, but you have to make the best of what you have to work with. You know you have value and deserve to enjoy the holidays as much as possible. It's usually the little things that make the difference for us. For instance, I bought a perky little green and red plant at the grocery store that says "Christmas" to me and have it in the kitchen where it's easy to see. It won't live long, it's not going to do well here in FL, but it brings holiday cheer to the house for now, so I'm happy about it. I bought some wide red ribbon with wires in the edges for shaping it and what are supposed to be red snowflake drink coasters 1/4" thick and hung the ribbon around doorways and the entertainment center with the coasters hanging from certain points. It looks great! No one would guess these snowflakes were coasters!

    I went to a nursing home and rehab with a lady whom I go there regularly with to take communion to the people and we brought 2nd hand Christian books and rosaries and medals and various gifts and cards and it was very gratifying to see how happy the people were to receive these gifts. I felt soooo good to be able to do this!! I didn't suspect how good it would feel until after I was done. It was amazing! Is there anyone you could do something like this for? Just giving a gift to someone who isn't expecting it will feel good to both of you. And I'm not healthy at all. I am on disability due to loads of health problems but I can struggle to get this much done.

    I hope you come up with some things to do that make you feel good about yourself and your holidays. Blessings to you.

  • Thank you for caring. I'm so glad it's over.

You may also like...