I try so hard. I plan my food. I record everything: what I eat, where I eat, how I feel. I use my CBT, as much as I am able. I really try. And then along comes life ... not huge, big, major problems just nasty, ordinary, everyday ones. The kind that everybody has and copes with fine - a minor irritation. Except I cannot do that. I dwell on everything. I can't let it go. I'm obsessed. I can think of nothing else. I can't settle. I can't sleep. I'm overwhelmed. I can't explain because no-one else understands why it's such a big deal. (Usually I don't know why it is either - it just is.) I twist and turn looking for something to turn it off. I crave self harm and purging the things I know will take it away. I do know how dangerous both these routes are for me now but that doesn't lessen the urge. If anything the longer I hold out the worse the urge becomes. How do I get through this? Everytime this is where I fall back into my loop and I don't know how to get out.
Anybody got any thoughts?
Written by
fadedlizard
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What you describe reminds me very much of the situations caused by worry. One of the most helpful ways of learning to cope with this is in techniques I found on the Christian organsation "Mind & Soul" (ABC has contributed to this site under the eating disorders stream although I'm thinking more about that connected with worry in your context). They have produced a useful book called The Worry Book and some of the talks and articles are very helpful. In particular they describe the use of a "worry box" which I think is a great thing to try even if you don't classify your thoughts as worry.
I know exactly how you feel - it only takes the slightest problem in my life and everything seems to fall apart - just the other day one of my set video recordings didn't work - no big deal - just missed one programme - and it was an iplayer anyway - but this little thing spilled over into my whole life - and it was so tempting to let it interrupt meals etc - I find having a daily meal plan at least keeps me focussed on what I need to do - and then trying to make myself get involved with other things - craft, the garden, phoning a friend etc - all these seem to calm my anxiety levels - and sometimes when I look back at my concerns I can even laugh now. I also find praying helps - handing my worries to God - and not being afraid trivia bores him to tears - He wants to walk with us and hold our hand through all things - whatever they are.
Thank you both for your kind words of support and for the practical advice you've given me. I have been onto the Mind and Soul website and downloaded some information to work my way through. I know how much I need new coping stratergies but reading about them and motivating myself to implement them are sadly two very different things. I am able to distract myself at work and I am blessed to have a safe place away from my disordered thinking but I find it very hard to motivate myself at home and to move away from the unhealthy habits I've built up over the years. I will try to follow your advice though and build up a raft of little distractions and hope that that gets me through. I'll try to keep praying too. I do try but I'm not good at handing my worries to God, I keep on taking them back!!
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