How can i deal with ignorance or fipancy with regards to my eating disorder?

I have anorexia, and whether i talk about it or not, i think most people who know me, know that i struggle.

Obviously my family know, and they have had to see some pretty rubbish times and are still there and have not abandoned me. At the moment we seem to have a good understanding. However why at the same time when they have seen so much and i should appreciate them more, do they surprise me with still a blatand amount of ignorance and lack of empathy!!!

For example I am used as a scape goat and if ever im in a mood its because im anorexic, which completely disables me and i cannot say anything, as if i do, its like they think that im proving them right so cannot stick up for myself. They know a lot yes but think they know it all.

only yesterday i was annoyed on facebook as i "liked" an article related to the stop eating disorders project and my sister must have seen and started "liking" things for all and sundry to see and leaving comments such as if only the people its aimed at would do it. Id love to put my family in a room with a load of other sufferes....and their families...........just to put them straight as all too often im just awkward in their eyes.

I read a quote "The greates ignorance is to reject something we know nothing about"

Id love to have a clever wise answer or remark to say to them one day that they could not dispute and make them stop and think.

(NB................I love my family and do not mean to paint them in a bad picture. I know our families very often put up with so much they should not have to and become an enemy when they should not be and are victims themselves, but in my experience its always me that has to change any fault not them, they are unable to recognise faults of their own and that i might still be irritable if anorexia was never discovered)

6 Replies

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  • ps i meant flippancy not fipancy! Thats my impatience with computers! ;)

  • I'm not sure if I have an answer to the question but I really appreciate the sentiment. My close family and friends know how hard I've struggled through the years with my disordered eating but other people ... ?! Twenty six years in and I am still a bulimic with binge eating that has my weight yo-yoing all over yet I remain above average weight. Apparently this does not fit the public perception of an eating disorder and is nothing a visit to weight watchers wouldn't fix. I wish!! Don't they realize I'd have been beating the door down years ago?!!!! And while I'm having this rant I have to include the fantastically supportive people who feel the need to congratulate you on any perceived weight loss - just what you need to hear when you've been struggling to keep anything down for weeks and your mind is looping the loop!!!

    The only thing positive thing I can say though is the longer I go on with this disorder the braver I've got at saying "no, actually it's like this ..." and that has to be a good thing. Ultimately perhaps the only way people will be educated is by talking with us and seeing what we go through.

  • Thank you for taking the time to reply. Empathy is reassurign even though its not a solution, just knowing that your point of view is valid and not void just because you have and eating disorder. You are not the eating disorder. If someone has a condition, they are not it!

    I do agree that in time ive found a way to explain things better as i learn about things or ways of dealing with people. I suppose when you wish youd thought of something to say at the time, at least you have it for the next time.

  • After I posted I was still thinking about it. How often a criticism is greeted with "ah but you're feeling very low at the moment .." - hmm - probably true but does that make my point any the less valid? Usually no. My comments are related to the situation not my mood. I will keep on repeating to myself "I have a condition. I am not it!!!" And I'll try to be brave and speak up for myself. Thank you for your support.x

  • Hi, i can relate to all posts about, especially fadedlizard. I too have bulimia, altho making good progress, but my mum's constant wittering on about her own weight/size/shape really gets me down & is sometimes a trigger, but despite telling her, she still goes on about it. September, I have had to be sometimes downright rude to my mum to make her understand as simply telling her just seems to wash over her. Do you think if you were more firm with your family it might help? It's my anniversary today and hubby & I going out for meal (to somewhere we've been before and i'm happy with) but my ever helpful mum has been totally dissing the place cos she doesn't like it and suggesting other places in same town. Doesn't matter how many times i tell her i can't do new places, she just doesn't get it. sometimes i just give up with her and have to admit defeat. Apologies for bit of rant there but i understand how you both must be feeling. hugs. xx

  • Me and my parents have had pretty dire fall-outs due to my disorder and I would love to know how to deal with it x

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