Losing to live

Only 5 weeks ago I has resided myself to the fact that I would never recover from anorexia and felt I may as well just try and make the most of life with it...just exist I guess. Everything that I have lost and lose through being I'll, I will just accept.

This changed. It changed when my boyfriend, the love of my life said he can no longer cope. He wants out. And he means it. My heart broke but instead of plunging deeper, I have decided to no longer accept any more losses. I can't lose him. It may be too late to gain his love and trust back but I ask myself do I really want this to continually happen in my life? No. Sometimes we just have to lose to realise what we have...the gift of life, so why waste it worrying about your body, what you eat, what the number on the scales says, punishing yourself and all the other things anorexia rules...

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  • 0oooh - that sounds tough. It's mad that we find being skeletal aesthetically pleasing, yet to those who love us (and, depending how ill we are,sometimes those who don't even know us), our tiny size is anything but attractive and can destroys us and our relationships. Being in a relationship with someone who's controlled so strongly by ED's is so hard. It'll make your boyfriend feel like he's unimportant and your entire life revolves around something sole -destroying instead of him.

    I commend your response to this though. Some people would use this as an excuse to hide behind their illness. I hope it's not too late - are you still together? Have you asked him to help you? By giving him some of the control it's showing that you truly trust him and value him more than your illness.

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