Losing to live

Only 5 weeks ago I has resided myself to the fact that I would never recover from anorexia and felt I may as well just try and make the most of life with it...just exist I guess. Everything that I have lost and lose through being I'll, I will just accept.

This changed. It changed when my boyfriend, the love of my life said he can no longer cope. He wants out. And he means it. My heart broke but instead of plunging deeper, I have decided to no longer accept any more losses. I can't lose him. It may be too late to gain his love and trust back but I ask myself do I really want this to continually happen in my life? No. Sometimes we just have to lose to realise what we have...the gift of life, so why waste it worrying about your body, what you eat, what the number on the scales says, punishing yourself and all the other things anorexia rules...

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  • You are so right.Why have another day longer of punishing yourself through Anorexic rules.It is an illness that will do all in its power to destroy you.It does not deserve to win.Treat it as the enemy as it is not a friend. I have had to struggle in the past to prove to my man in my life i am fit and strong enough to cope with a future with him.He has said in the past i love you not the Anorexia.I am sure you have so much to look forward to in the future.Ambitions may be or what ever.You certainly don't deserve to carry on punishing yourself in this way.People want to see you happy,Healthy and full of life.Anorexia deprives you of all three honey.I know from experience.I am not fully recovered.But i am much nearer than i have ever been.I will never give up the fight.You must not either.Your life is too Precious.God Bless You.xxx

  • I have read your message and I relate very much so. I have been anorexic since I was 12, now 30. I have a long term boyfriend who has been through the mill because of me being ill, he told me he cannot cope anymore. I am working hard to stay in recovery because it breaks my heart to think of life without him yet the illness has made me do so many cringing things. This is my last chance to prove to him that he is more important than anorexia. It is very difficult but like you I no that I do not want the anorexic life and yet I have fallen back into behaviours I wish I could bannish. However, things are improving and working hard I am managing to get our relationship to a good place. He finds it very difficult to trust me but this just takes time to re-build thankfully he has been patient with me but we are no longer living together. I had to move 80 miles away with my parents because he was exhausted and could not look after me.

    Things now are better, we have been away together for a short break and we didn't argue, I ate but he always watches me. I pray with hope we can re-build the shattered trust which was my fault and this all stays positive. It is impossible to have three in a relationship, it cannot be me+anorexia+him it must be me+him.

    This takes time but there is hope. If he has been with you this long you have been given a chance to grasp the love of your life and dont let go for the illness, the illness doesnt give you anything - but you know this. The saying 'you dont know what youhave got til it has gone' is sooo very true and has a deep meaning.

    I send you love and hope, you can do this because you know what you want. x

  • Thank you for your comment and I commend ur bravery in making changes. The key is to do it for yourself and not the relationship. I believe I am trying to do it for me as he may choose to go anyway. He has a career in acting and doesn't need this kind of 'hassel'. I hope he can find the love he once had for me because it's knowing he doesn't love me the same way which hurts me the most. Ur right, three in a relationship doesn't work. I used to live 110 miles away too but then we bought a house together where he came to learn the true evil of anorexia. He believed he could save me and feels he failed. All I look forward to it showing him I can do it, like u said gain the trust back and then be happy and give him what he deserves.

    Sometimes u just have to realise that people will tire of it and really will leave. I've learnt that and now know what I want.

    Best of luck and keep me posted on how ur going. The battle is harder now as u are not only fighting your ED but ur fighting for your relationship best of luck to u x x

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