So I spent so long waiting to get to the point at which I could say i'm in the late'er' stages of recovery from anorexia, but now I'm here I find here isn't an easy place to be either.
Periods are back (check) *along with spots - a very unglamerous aspect of going through a second puberty but nothing to get to upset about-, Boobs- well there are two things on the front of me that left in the thick of my illness and yes, I believe they are back (or all my tops have shrunk, but now...now there are so many other conflicting thoughts and feelings that have emerged.
How do let go of controlling your food altogether? that last bit of clutching on? How do you deal with seing other womens bodies on the street,especially in summer? knowing that you are bigger than they are,and that you HAVE to be because to not be would be to be unhealthy.
Looking at your recovered body?touching *heaven forbid* your recovered stomach ... yes there it is.. a stomach, I KNOW it's not big, it's average,but I still FEEL like it is.
That gap between knowing and feeling.
So many people who i've met say they are recovered from their eating disorder and they aren't because now they simply binge eat and then restrict but are now overweight from it... how do you let go of anorexia without grabbing hold of food in a different way?
Thoughts? recommendations? Share your'e embaressing recovery returns from blood to mood swings?
Any other 'late'er' old hands around the place?