What is the worst aspect of your eati... - Talk ED (eating d...
What is the worst aspect of your eating disorder?
The fear it generates
The Isolation was
Not really an answer as its working round the ed rather than solving it - but I arrange contact with friends in mornings/afternoons - so no food invovled - also try to find events where I can join after the meal bit - at least this way I still get to see people.
That it hurts those I care about the most.
Agree with all the above - spend life anxious about everything, become isolated as everything social seems to involve food - and all the time upset as I see the effect my illness has on those around me
I have read all of the above and yes there are so many aspects of cruelty to this illness however, what come first is the person we become, that is the person that is then dictated to by the illness and creates situations, lies, becomes the person that they would normally despise. That is how I feel about the person I become when very ill, she is not someone I would call my friend nor would I spend my company with her. That says a lot about my friends and family, how much they must love me to have let this other person into their lives too. I can only thank them by kicking her out and allowing Angelus to be who she really is.
Isolation.
The worst thing is how it rules your life. You become a shell and nothing of the person you were is left. You're empty, you don't feel. You're so consumed by the disorder all you think about is food, how much you want it but reasons why you musn't have it. The guilt when you do finally eat is incredible. I can't eaven eat 15g of oats with water (about 60 cals) without throwing myself into a hatred cycle but if I don't, I pass out. I work and I'm in a relationship but nothing feels real. I don't feel, I don't imagine, I don't dream or plan, I just exist in hate and fear. It's horrible and no life I would wish on anyone.
The isolation and the fact that others don't understand how something so simple as going out for coffee can send us into total turmoil. I am lucky in that I'm in a better place just now so can handle that, but even my mum continually suggests going out for lunch, to places i'm not familiar with, and she totally doesn't GET why i won't go, despite me telling her on numerous occasions. The continual thoughts & feelings are getting to me just now.
The harm its doing to my body
The way that it impacts EVERY aspect of my life, day and night
The way it has hurt my family, my dad ended up off work with stress and my mums depression got worse, my brother turned in to a recluse. I missed two whole years of my life, I'm now determined to live the rest of it to the full. I never feel so trapped and alone as when i have let the eating disorder win
xxx
The self hate. When you don't live up to the disorders twisted ideals & you feel like a useless failure. Or the constant anxiety & constant obsession. Not being able to turn your mind off for a little peace.
all the excuses and lies you have to tell. Especially in church as everything in church involves food.
Feeling alone and no matter how you try to share how you are feeling no one really understands. They say all the things they think you want to hear and sometimes can say hurtful things as if it will shock you into eating again. I feel like I've let my family down because I was making a slow recovery and have relapsed, they make me feel like im a freak and should just snap out of it and eat. I wish they could spend one day inside my head and see what it feels like and how I will the anorexic voice would shut up and let me think about other things apart from food and how fat I look.
The isolation which is internal isolation now because I don't always share my feelings honestly with people, and when I was really unwell, the way it cut me off from everyone I loved and stopped me socialising. Also the deception - needing to minimise things or twist the truth so people think I've eaten. Also feeling not in control when I eat more normally but when I restrict knowing that the eating disorder is in control even though I feel better in the moment. Also causing worry to those I love and worrying that if I don't get properly better I will not be a good mum. worrying that it will destroy my relationship. Like citylife, the anorexic voice that seems to come at random times for me even though I am so much better now, how it can lead to me losing perspective on things. SO many things!
The way I feel stupid because of it and guilty as my parents are always stressed and the fact that even if I want to - I can't eat what I want because my stomach feels like its imploding
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