My doctor and I have trying to figure out how to identify my eating disorder for years and couldn't really figure it out so she talked to an eating disorder clinic specifically to understand more about it since she doesn't specialize with issues like this. While she was talking to them, she found out multiple things over the few weeks they have been in communication; A) I am in a sort of grey area and I have tendencies of both anorexia and bulimia, but I don't have either. There isn't a term for this, so they just call it an eating disorder. B) they want me to go to an outpatient treatment center like php or something like this. But my insurance won't cover it. I dunno what to do or what to think about it. should I look into something else that would cover it? My safety team is trying to help me with it. But I need to do something different. I don't think it will work alone like this. treating my depression alone hasn't changed my perspective over how i see my body. Ik i have to want to change to change, and I do, I want to be normal, but to do that i'd have to push aside my eating disorder. I have been ignoring it for years and that isn't making me any less normal. i dunno what to do or think.
sorry, just needed to rant.