Hi guys, I'm new here, and I am so glad I came across this site. In short, I am trying to recover from anorexia alone, as there is a lack of support out there, and I have moved back home and so am now separated from the therapist I was seeing. I am desperate to eat 'normally' again without orthorexic or restricting tendencies. Also, I have a job from September which requires a lot of energy. Therefore, it is imperative that I improve my relationship with food.
I am trying to recover by eating all of my fear foods and eat unrestricted. I never feel full or satiated though, unless I eat so much that I feel physically sick and my stomach hurts. I have recently started to binge eat at night, and the jars of nut butters, the chocolates, the pom bears... I eat so much and it is quite amazing how much I can fit into my body (I am only 151cm tall).
Now - I am scared because I feel I now can't stop. It's like the barrier has been lifted and I will keep eating unhealthy foods throughout the day. Am I just using AN as an excuse to eat whatever I want? I don't want to feel bloated all the time, and I'm scared that my relationship with food is not improving, and the fear around food is actually increasing due to my uncontrollable binging behaviour. To make things worse, a GP told me to try and fight against this mental hunger. He told me it is unhealthy to eat lots and should try some meditation whenever this urge to eat occurs. But, does he know how hard it is to ignore these urges? I get shaky, light-headed, and panicky whenever this feeling takes over. It feels so good to answer to these hunger cues, even though I feel incredibly guilty and sick afterward.
So, those who are going through the same thing or something similar, how has this extreme hunger affected your body? I am too scared to weigh myself, so I am unsure how much I have gained. How long did you go through extreme hunger? Do you suggest I keep doing what I'm doing? Should I try and eat less? I have no idea whether what I'm doing is right or not so comments are greatly appreciated - Thank you so so much xx
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eli9898
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I'm suffering with anorexia binge purge syndrome x I'm earlier on in recovery than you but what really helps me us watching tabitha farrar you tube recovery videos she is great and so inspirational xx here is a link to one I think will help
Thank you so much Anon03 I've had a quick look at Tabitha's stuff, and will read and watch her blogs in more detail. She doesn't seem to demonize the binges, and that they are essential for recovery. It's super comforting. I wish you all the best with your recovery and thank you again for the advice and kind words xx
Eli ‘she doesn’t seem to demonise the binges, and that they are essential for recovery’... I, too, believe that listening to your body in it’s efforts to recover, makes absolute sense. Warmest wishes
as you are unable to access support suggest you phone ABC and ask about their befriending service. When I was going through binge cycles I tried to set myself a written meal plan for each day - with 3 good meals and snacks between and I used this to eat from. I also planned activities around each eating session - or made phone calls - responded to emails - in order that the binge desire didn't click in - I never binged in front of others. Good luck.
Extreme hunger both mental and physical in recovery from and eating disorder is completely normal. The best thing u can do is respond to it as u are...once ur body trusts that food is abundant it will natuarally stop making u so ravenous all the time. In terms of weight now is the time to wear comfortable clothes and just let ur body go where it needs to during recovery and try not to manipulate or judge ur temporary recovery body. Give it time and tlc. I highly recommend reading a book by tabitha farrar called 'rehabilitate, rewire, recover'. and no disrespect to th gp...but u cant recover from a restrictive eating disirder by having ummm...restrictions. good luck, in ur recovery. ur worth it.
Thank you for the book suggestion - I am loving how 'to the point' Tabitha is. And thank you for saying extreme hunger is 'normal', I mean, I know lots go through this, but with others reminding that many experience this - it means so much xx
That's totally normal and i had the same issue in recovery. Trust your body and you Will recover. It 's affraying sometimes you will crave for strange things (for exemple at one point i loved deshydrated potatoes soup without putting water with... But OK not anymore or honey directly out of the jar but now i want to drink just at the idea of doing it...)
Your GP never went through this. I think we can understand this only when living it.
Sorry to hear that you are away from your usual therapist at the moment. Would your old therapist be able to refer you to someone in your area? Sorry to hear that your GP was not more supportive of you. :/
The struggle that you feel is totally normal. Here are some additional resources that may be helpful for you. Hope that helps!
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I've had a quick look at Tabitha's stuff, and will read and watch her blogs in more detail. She doesn't seem to demonize the binges, and that they are essential for recovery. It's super comforting. I wish you all the best with your recovery and thank you again for the advice and kind words xx 
