Hi guys, I'm new here, and I am so glad I came across this site. In short, I am trying to recover from anorexia alone, as there is a lack of support out there, and I have moved back home and so am now separated from the therapist I was seeing. I am desperate to eat 'normally' again without orthorexic or restricting tendencies. Also, I have a job from September which requires a lot of energy. Therefore, it is imperative that I improve my relationship with food.
I am trying to recover by eating all of my fear foods and eat unrestricted. I never feel full or satiated though, unless I eat so much that I feel physically sick and my stomach hurts. I have recently started to binge eat at night, and the jars of nut butters, the chocolates, the pom bears... I eat so much and it is quite amazing how much I can fit into my body (I am only 151cm tall).
Now - I am scared because I feel I now can't stop. It's like the barrier has been lifted and I will keep eating unhealthy foods throughout the day. Am I just using AN as an excuse to eat whatever I want? I don't want to feel bloated all the time, and I'm scared that my relationship with food is not improving, and the fear around food is actually increasing due to my uncontrollable binging behaviour. To make things worse, a GP told me to try and fight against this mental hunger. He told me it is unhealthy to eat lots and should try some meditation whenever this urge to eat occurs. But, does he know how hard it is to ignore these urges? I get shaky, light-headed, and panicky whenever this feeling takes over. It feels so good to answer to these hunger cues, even though I feel incredibly guilty and sick afterward.
So, those who are going through the same thing or something similar, how has this extreme hunger affected your body? I am too scared to weigh myself, so I am unsure how much I have gained. How long did you go through extreme hunger? Do you suggest I keep doing what I'm doing? Should I try and eat less? I have no idea whether what I'm doing is right or not so comments are greatly appreciated - Thank you so so much xx